Fear

Do you ever notice how fear consumes a good deal of your day?  How worrying about how something will turn out, or how you will ever manage something, or how you'll survive the next few minutes?  These little preoccupations demand so much of our time and attention, they make us so debilitated when it comes to much more important things.

For instance, when we had that very small snake in the house several weeks back, I spent a good deal of time thereafter looking around constantly as I moved about the house, wondering the whole time whether I would encounter another one.  Would I find a nest?  Where did it come from?  Is there a momma snake someplace?  Once a couple of weeks had passed, and no other snake materialized but a roach had, I exchanged my continuous search of a snake for the search of another roach.  I simply modified the creature I was intent on discovering; my preoccupation remained.  I could not relax in my own home.

More recently, Doug and I traveled to Banos over the weekend to celebrate our anniversary by enjoying a few hours of with just the two of us--kids stayed back with a teen sitter who lives next door.  While in Banos the volcano there rumbled and smoked for a few hours straight.  Eventually there was a loud BOOM at which time we looked up to the top of the cone and found a few slight streams of lava running down its sides.  WOW!  You don't see that everyday.  Fascinating, yet with that sight I felt myself wonder what would happen if there was an eruption.  Hmmmmm.  I could sense myself beginning to toy with that idea a little too much.  This went on for a few minutes until I had to simply decide that I would not allow myself to spend my precious time with Doug playing the 'what if' game in my mind.  Time alone is too precious.

A little bit later on the way home from Banos on the bus, the driver was going entirely too fast and taking turns on this very windy, dangerous road as if he were in the Indy 500.  Aloud I said more than once, "Please slow down."  The drop down the side of the cliff is several hundred feet and in places there is only a one foot high guard rail.  I caught myself again considering the possibilities of an accident.  Worry was getting the best of me, I was dreading every turn, and I was wasting precious time with Doug.

Those are just some big things (snakes, volcanoes, car accidents), but what about all the instances in the day where I lose time pondering the worst case scenario?  I spend energy pondering the possibility of my being late, my kids not getting their wound cleaned properly, their not packing enough for snack time, Selah falling off her bike (she's learning to ride without training wheels), Seth leaning back in this chair too far, their braking a glass as they carry it to the sink, their saying the wrong thing at a social gathering, their relaying the most embarrassing things in mixed company, their not getting their teeth brushed properly, their not washing their hands well before meals, their touching the chickens and all those bugs out there, their contracting an illness, etc.  You get the picture. 

I could easily justify worrying about these and a million other things. I'm a mom of four living in a foreign land with many dangers lurking around every corner. You reading this probably have multiple reasons to worry as well.  Don't we all?  Yet,  where is all this worry getting me?  Or you?  As God says, worry will not add one moment to your life.  We know too that the opposite is true.  Worry, in the form of stress, can often turn into many things that actually shorten your life and make it much less pleasant.  Worry does us more harm than good.

So, why do we worry?
Habit.
I come from a long line of worriers.
It needs to be done.
It makes me feel like I'm doing something constructive with the situation.

Seriously!?

Worry---is a lack of trust in God and His perfect timing for everything. Period.  When I worry, I don't trust Him.  I have put my trust in something else.

For example, as I listened to that volcano rumble, and I felt myself give way to feelings of worry and became very distracted from Doug.  I was coming up with a game plan on how if the volcano erupted, we could escape the danger by going in a certain direction....You see, I was trying to come up with the escape route and was trusting in my own ability to find the solution to the problem that MAY happen.  Once I saw what was taking place in my mind, I realized that I could spend the next few hours in that state and lose the entire outing to something so useless.  I decided then to instead enjoy Doug and use the date time for its intended purpose--reconnect with the one I adore.

On the bus, as I began to feel anxiety and to relive stories that I know about car and bus accidents on this same Banos road, I finally recognized something profound.  I saw that when we purchased our tickets at the terminal, we thought we were putting our lives into the bus driver's hands. That lie is so not true.  It may seem true but it is a very subtle lie.  The bus driver is no more in charge of our lives than is the dentist, the employer, the store clerk, the landlord, the waiter or any other people we encounter.  GOD is in charge of our lives. He determines when we live and when we die.  He gets to decide all that.  He knew every day before any of them came into being and he knows whether today will be our last or not.  So, when I worried that the bus driver was going to choose, I was wrong.  I was ascribing to him way too much power and to my God way too little.  Once I confessed my wee faith on that bus, and remembered that God was in charge of my days and the end of them, I relaxed in my seat and enjoyed the ride so much more. 

So, may you discover what you're believing at your core when you worry.  I hope you're able to take every thought captive and exchange any lies you may believe for the truth that He is in charge of it all.

Blessings, kim