Ever notice how hard it is to NOT think about yourself or about how others perceive you? It's really, really hard. In fact, can you think of a time when you haven't been consciously thinking of yourself?
So many of the entries as of late in Oswald Chambers' book My Utmost for His Highest talk about how we fallen humanity constantly do so much and focus our attention on so much that is not of God. We are so caught up in ourselves and in our ideas of what we must do to please God or to serve God that we often find ourselves not actually focusing on God Himself. In all of that mayhem we are really focused on ourselves. Interestingly true.
In many instances I'm "serving" Him while I worry inwardly about how I'll get it all done, or what others will think about my service, or how I'm modeling to my kids and whether they'll notice, or how my service is impacting those who I serve, or etc..... You get the picture. Where in there did I actually focus on God and His Kingdom?
Let me share a little story that somewhat relates to this. You see, Sethy's birthday party was this past Friday afternoon. We invited four boys over from his class after school who spent roughly the next four and a half hours with us. During this time we had snacks, played a game in the house, conducted an hour-long scavenger hunt, played several games of Ping-Pong, sought out surprises hidden throughout the compound, and then walked to a local restaurant where we ate burgers and dogs. Though we only had a total of seven boys (including our sons) and a huge open space, we still had two melt downs, a couple of arguments, and a fairly sad birthday boy caught in the middle of the fray. By the end of the evening, which was only 8:15, Sethy was contented to have the party end. Doug and I were so sad for him and how things had not been completely smooth.
These meltdowns and the ones we witnessed at another child's party the weekend prior, stem from the fact that someone is not getting his way. He does not like how he's been treated and does not agree with the decisions that others are making. And this all while being at a party when someone else is supposed to be the center of attention. We humans even struggle to keep our eyes focused on the birthday boy and off of ourselves--we get caught up in our needs so much so that we will willingly prevent someone else from enjoying their appointed time to be the center of attention.
I mean not to sound overly harsh about these children--one of our own children had a meltdown. They were having a genuinely hard time and my heart breaks for how they felt. It is a perfect example though of how even when we go into a situation knowing that we're there for the specific purpose of honoring or enjoying someone else who's to get all the attention, we cannot keep ourselves from still being the center of our own focus. In places where we are uncomfortable with others or insecure we will be hypersensitive to our own needs.
Focusing on God and focusing on the needs of others to the exclusion of ourselves is not only hard for kids, it is really hard for adults. It's hard for me. I want my way so much that I sometimes cannot think, or be nice, or serve others, or listen carefully, or put aside my plans, or speak kindly, or smile in tough situations, etc, etc, etc. Ever have an extended period of time when you didn't think once about yourself but only thought about the Lord or about the needs of others? I struggle with this even during times of worship at church! I've yet to learn that this world is not about me.
May I, and maybe you, learn that "this is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." It's His day. May we allow Him to have all the focus as we celebrate Him since He's the center of the universe and we are not. Let's try not to focus on 'ME' but instead of on Him--When we focus on Him, we'll never be disappointed, insecure, unhappy or alone.
Blessings, kim
Monday, May 19, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
A New Song
Today my heart is heavy and I've been pensive. You'd never guess it because of the terrific breakfast we had with friends and the wet and wonderful pool party we attended thereafter. We had things to do with people we enjoy and the weather here today is downright amazing. Yet, inside I find myself pondering relationships that are strained (or at least I feel tension in the air when among certain people), and it makes me sad.
Two of our kids got into an argument that delayed us from our first commitment. Then, during the second commitment I learned of a fun outing that had taken place among friends that I was not invited to. Next, on our way home from the pool we passed by our boys playing at an all boy birthday party, and we could hear the frustrations in their voices as they developed the rules for the game they were about to begin. Finally, I find myself considering the damaged or strained relationships that I've either known or been a part of in the past; and this all makes me sad.
When our boys finally returned from their time away, we spent the next hour + just debriefing from the party and sorting through the relationships that needed repairing. Why can't people, including us, just get along?
This I've considered all week. I've thought about how we hurt one another in families, in neighborhoods, in schools, in businesses, in towns, and in many other places. We hurt others because we ourselves hurt inside. As long as my wounds are festering, I cannot give healing to others. Oh the pain!
I've asked the Lord about the solution. He's put on my heart that we cannot ignore pain and pretend that it never happened or that we were never hurt. That's living a lie--we can't base our lives on a lie. As I write this, one of my kids is in the midst of pretending that his friend's actions toward him do not hurt. I know as I watch that it's simply not true.
The Lord has also put it on my heart that we cannot be consumed by pain. We can't fixate on things that have caused us harm to the detriment of everything else around us. I remember losing almost a year of my life years ago because I was so inwardly focused on a pain that was troubling me. That's not how we're supposed to live either.
Instead the Lord's reminded me that we have to live overcoming the pain and suffering that comes our way. We have to totally face those very painful moments--tears, grief, depression, anger, frustration, you name it. We have to feel the intensity of the pain and let it come to the surface and come out; bottling it up is not good, but neither is letting it ooze out for years on end. We've got to delve into the feelings, find a way to release it, and then finally discover the solution to our problem whether that be to talk to the other party, or to forgive them of their sin, or to do something else entirely. In essence, we have to feel it, deal with it, and then heal it.
So, as I type this and we're living in the afteraffects of today's arguments and disappointments, I see that our time spent releasing our frustrations, talking about our feelings and regrets, and sticking with the issues till we brought them to resolution really were hours (and I do mean hours) well spent. I think I'll sleep well tonight though..... : )
In conclusion, I want to share with you something our friend Kyle wrote for his devotional this morning. It brought me to tears. I just hope it gives you a higher perspective than the one you have now:
Thanks for reading! Blessings, kim
Two of our kids got into an argument that delayed us from our first commitment. Then, during the second commitment I learned of a fun outing that had taken place among friends that I was not invited to. Next, on our way home from the pool we passed by our boys playing at an all boy birthday party, and we could hear the frustrations in their voices as they developed the rules for the game they were about to begin. Finally, I find myself considering the damaged or strained relationships that I've either known or been a part of in the past; and this all makes me sad.
When our boys finally returned from their time away, we spent the next hour + just debriefing from the party and sorting through the relationships that needed repairing. Why can't people, including us, just get along?
This I've considered all week. I've thought about how we hurt one another in families, in neighborhoods, in schools, in businesses, in towns, and in many other places. We hurt others because we ourselves hurt inside. As long as my wounds are festering, I cannot give healing to others. Oh the pain!
I've asked the Lord about the solution. He's put on my heart that we cannot ignore pain and pretend that it never happened or that we were never hurt. That's living a lie--we can't base our lives on a lie. As I write this, one of my kids is in the midst of pretending that his friend's actions toward him do not hurt. I know as I watch that it's simply not true.
The Lord has also put it on my heart that we cannot be consumed by pain. We can't fixate on things that have caused us harm to the detriment of everything else around us. I remember losing almost a year of my life years ago because I was so inwardly focused on a pain that was troubling me. That's not how we're supposed to live either.
Instead the Lord's reminded me that we have to live overcoming the pain and suffering that comes our way. We have to totally face those very painful moments--tears, grief, depression, anger, frustration, you name it. We have to feel the intensity of the pain and let it come to the surface and come out; bottling it up is not good, but neither is letting it ooze out for years on end. We've got to delve into the feelings, find a way to release it, and then finally discover the solution to our problem whether that be to talk to the other party, or to forgive them of their sin, or to do something else entirely. In essence, we have to feel it, deal with it, and then heal it.
So, as I type this and we're living in the afteraffects of today's arguments and disappointments, I see that our time spent releasing our frustrations, talking about our feelings and regrets, and sticking with the issues till we brought them to resolution really were hours (and I do mean hours) well spent. I think I'll sleep well tonight though..... : )
In conclusion, I want to share with you something our friend Kyle wrote for his devotional this morning. It brought me to tears. I just hope it gives you a higher perspective than the one you have now:
“No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth” (Revelation 14:3).
Certain
songs can only be learned while in life’s valley. No music school can
teach these songs, for there is no theory for music found in the heart,
nor for songs sung by the burdens of personal experience.
In this verse, John tells us that even in heaven there will be a song that will only be sung by those “who had been redeemed from the earth.”
It is a song of triumph—a hymn of victory to the Christ who set us
free. Yet the sense of triumph and freedom will be born from the memory
of our past bondage.
No
angel, nor even an archangel will be able to sing the song as
beautifully as we will. To do so would require them to pass through our
trials, which is something they cannot do. Only the children of the
Cross will be equipped to learn the song.
In
this life you are receiving a music lesson from your Father. You are
being trained to sing in a choir you cannot yet see, and there will be
parts in the chorus that only you can sing. There will be notes too low
for the angels to reach, and certain notes so far above the scale that
only an angel could reach them. But remember, the deepest notes belong
to you and will only be reached by you.
Our
Father is training us for parts the angels cannot sing, and His music
school is the school of pain and suffering. Some say that He sends
trials our way to test us; I would agree, but He also sends them our way
to educate us, thereby giving us the proper training for His heavenly
choir.
In
the darkness He is composing our song. In the valleys He is tuning our
voices. In the storms He is deepening our range. In the rain He is
sweetening our melody. In the cold He is giving our notes expression.
And as we pass from hope to fear, He is perfecting the message of our
lyrics.
So
let’s not miss a day at our music school of pain and suffering. It is
training and educating us for our unique part in the heavenly song.
“Then
I saw the Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with him were 144,000 who
had his name and his Father’s name written on their foreheads. And I
heard a sound from heaven like the roar of mighty ocean waves or the
rolling of loud thunder. It was like the sound of many harpists playing
together. This great choir sang a wonderful new song in front of the
throne of God and before the four living beings and the twenty-four
elders. No one could learn this song except the 144,000 who had been
redeemed from the earth. They have kept themselves as pure as virgins,
following the Lamb wherever he goes. They have been purchased from among
the people on the earth as a special offering to God and to the Lamb.
They have told no lies; they are without blame” (Revelation 14:1-5).
Thanks for reading! Blessings, kim
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
New Birds
Today our dear neighbors allowed us to choose two new birds from their collection of recently born parakeets. The cage held six fresh faces of yellow and green--they pretty much all look alike at this point though. Every one lively and fleeing from the net, there would be no pickiness about which one we chose. Eventually our friend finally trapped two so that we could transport them to our cage at home.
Once the new little Thompsons (can we call them that already?) were released into their big new home, the more green of the two stayed put. Uncertainty held him in place. The more yellow one began chirping but did move away from us as we neared the cage. Hopefully they'll both settle in well and enjoy life in our care. I've already spoken with the kids about how NO ONE is to open the cage unless an adult is present. I'm hoping to actually keep these pets. ; )
Blessings,
kim
Once the new little Thompsons (can we call them that already?) were released into their big new home, the more green of the two stayed put. Uncertainty held him in place. The more yellow one began chirping but did move away from us as we neared the cage. Hopefully they'll both settle in well and enjoy life in our care. I've already spoken with the kids about how NO ONE is to open the cage unless an adult is present. I'm hoping to actually keep these pets. ; )
Blessings,
kim
Saturday, May 3, 2014
The door was opened
Back in July when we purchased our airline tickets to come to Ecuador, we decided to go with a round trip option because they were cheaper by far than if we had gotten two one-way fares. At that time we simply chose the very last return date the airline would permit us--June 19. So, for our entire time here, we've known that we'd be coming back to the US on that date. Well, since coming to Ecuador we realized that we don't have to stay here that long after the school year ends on the June 6. In fact, we'd love to be able to go home earlier since time in the States is precious and being with our loved ones is even more so.
So, I began to pray that we could move our tickets to an earlier date. Almost immediately I sensed that the Lord would answer this prayer in the affirmative. Can't explain it, but I just know that I sensed the date change would eventually happen. Yet, I got the impression that this would require faithful praying on my part for it to take place.
Therefore after a few days of praying, on one Saturday morning in February I called the airlines to see what we could do about the date change. I rang Delta and was told that they would be willing to move our flights to an earlier date for a small nominal fee--$300 for the change and 71 cents for the difference in cost of flights--each! For six tickets that would amount to roughly $1800. I promptly asked to speak to a supervisor to plead my case and after having done so, I found no movement on the fee, but they did suggest that I submit a special request in writing. I spent the next week trying to complete this fairly simple task but daily I found that, for some unknown reason, I could not even get onto the Delta website.
So, the very next Saturday I called the airlines again. This time I pled my case and added that the recommended suggestion had not been possible. This ticketing agent was more sympathetic to our cause and offered a reduction of the change fee to only $150/ticket--still $900 for us to make the change. After a couple of moments of deliberation on the matter, Doug and I agreed that as missionaries we could not pay such a price as this would fall squarely on the on the shoulders of those who had graciously supported us. Donations should not go toward such a fee.
Well, knowing that I was at least making some headway on this big fee (whittling it down from $1800 to $900 was greatly encouraging), the following Saturday I did the usual--dialed up the airlines and pled my case once again. Once again to no avail--this time it was suggested that I contact the corporate office to let them know my mission organization details and to submit something even more formal than was originally proposed. I felt like I'd taken a huge step backwards and was now really discouraged.
The next Saturday I didn't call. As a matter of fact, I chose not to call several Saturdays in a row. The task seemed somewhat impossible now. Should I have taken the $900 charge when it was offered? Was I sure that the Lord was going to answer this prayer with a 'yes'? I thought so.......Then I got the sense that I had not been diligent enough in prayer--the Bible sometimes calls this 'fervency'. I knew that I had prayed here and there but had not really poured my heart into this petition. So though I took a break from calling the airlines, I decided to focus my attention on the One who would make the miracle (and yes, I began thinking this would take a miracle) happen.
I finally made the call last Saturday morning, armed with many more prayers and a greater confidence that He would make it happen. I called up, pled my case, waited for the response and prayed all the while. Doug sat beside me praying too. Nope. They would change our ticket for now a whopping $325.71 each which was getting very close to $2000! Yikes! I once again began wrestling with the Lord and asked Him if I had heard right. I was discouraged and knew that I didn't possess in any way anywhere near the power or influence I needed to make this happen. All I could do was pray.
Then on Wednesday night I chatted with my dear friend Debbie who had visited us here in Ecuador and who keeps up with each of our lives as we live out the missionary existence. I told her how things were going with this flight change and how I was feeling. At the end of our conversation we prayed together and during that time she asked the Lord to move on our behalf so that we could go home early. When she spoke her request, something inside me clicked on and I began to once again believe that the answer would be 'yes'. It was an encouraging moment and I had a renewed belief to press on.
The next morning I woke up and with a few minutes to myself, I snuck over to the couch and began reading my Bible and praying aloud. I talked to God about my gratitude for so many, many things and spent some time praying for my family members, myself, and for a large number of friends and extended family. Then I asked, once again, for favor with the airlines and with the person who would speak to us on the phone. Immediately the Lord reminded me of the parable that Jesus told in one of the Gospels about the persistent neighbor. You see, in the story, Jesus tells of a man and his family that have gone to bed for the night. All of a sudden a neighbor begins pounding on their door to which the man replies with impatience and a lack of concern. You can imagine: "It's late. We're already in bed. I"m in my pajamas. Come back tomorrow. Or, better yet, go beat on someone else's door." Yet, because the neighbor was persistent in his knocking, the man eventually got out of bed and opened the door.
This so encouraged me that when I finished praying I considered calling the airlines right away. I felt like the Lord was giving me another confirming 'yes'. However, as often happens in our home, when people began to wake up, plans get made, games get pulled out, tasks get assigned, meals get eaten, and life moves in myriad directions. Since it was a day off for us (Ecuadorian Labor Day) it really did go into many directions. Needless to say, I forgot to make the call and I eventually went off to have a cup of tea with my sweet friend Rebekah.
Two plus hours later when I returned, Doug and I began playing table tennis. He'd just returned from our neighbors house where they were storing the table. They were so relieved when Doug asked them if we could borrow their ping-pong table since the thing is so old and were thrilled that we'd take it off of their hands. What a fun way to enjoy the outdoors even if it's raining. As we played we discussed our day and my tea outing and how our day off had taken shape.
Finally Jacobey came over to find out what we were having for dinner. "I think we should celebrate," replied my dear husband. "What are we celebrating?" I asked. "Instead of going home in 50 days, we'll be flying out in 40." WHAT!? NO WAY! After I recovered from the fact that I'd just spent 30 minutes with him and he'd not mentioned a thing about the news, I then did a little jig and whooped it up loud enough for Shell to wonder what was up.
Apparently while I was away, Doug called the airlines. He had done and said the very same things that I had each of the previous times. He'd gotten the same response initially of a nearly $2000 charge and he'd prayed while he waited. The only difference this time is that the eventual answer became a 'yes'. They said that they would move the flight and all we'd have to pay is the 71 cents/ticket. WOW!
So, in the end, we see that God DOES answer prayer. Fervency in prayer pays off. All we have to do is trust and obey--and pray.....
Thanks for reading,
Blessings, kim
So, I began to pray that we could move our tickets to an earlier date. Almost immediately I sensed that the Lord would answer this prayer in the affirmative. Can't explain it, but I just know that I sensed the date change would eventually happen. Yet, I got the impression that this would require faithful praying on my part for it to take place.
Therefore after a few days of praying, on one Saturday morning in February I called the airlines to see what we could do about the date change. I rang Delta and was told that they would be willing to move our flights to an earlier date for a small nominal fee--$300 for the change and 71 cents for the difference in cost of flights--each! For six tickets that would amount to roughly $1800. I promptly asked to speak to a supervisor to plead my case and after having done so, I found no movement on the fee, but they did suggest that I submit a special request in writing. I spent the next week trying to complete this fairly simple task but daily I found that, for some unknown reason, I could not even get onto the Delta website.
So, the very next Saturday I called the airlines again. This time I pled my case and added that the recommended suggestion had not been possible. This ticketing agent was more sympathetic to our cause and offered a reduction of the change fee to only $150/ticket--still $900 for us to make the change. After a couple of moments of deliberation on the matter, Doug and I agreed that as missionaries we could not pay such a price as this would fall squarely on the on the shoulders of those who had graciously supported us. Donations should not go toward such a fee.
Well, knowing that I was at least making some headway on this big fee (whittling it down from $1800 to $900 was greatly encouraging), the following Saturday I did the usual--dialed up the airlines and pled my case once again. Once again to no avail--this time it was suggested that I contact the corporate office to let them know my mission organization details and to submit something even more formal than was originally proposed. I felt like I'd taken a huge step backwards and was now really discouraged.
The next Saturday I didn't call. As a matter of fact, I chose not to call several Saturdays in a row. The task seemed somewhat impossible now. Should I have taken the $900 charge when it was offered? Was I sure that the Lord was going to answer this prayer with a 'yes'? I thought so.......Then I got the sense that I had not been diligent enough in prayer--the Bible sometimes calls this 'fervency'. I knew that I had prayed here and there but had not really poured my heart into this petition. So though I took a break from calling the airlines, I decided to focus my attention on the One who would make the miracle (and yes, I began thinking this would take a miracle) happen.
I finally made the call last Saturday morning, armed with many more prayers and a greater confidence that He would make it happen. I called up, pled my case, waited for the response and prayed all the while. Doug sat beside me praying too. Nope. They would change our ticket for now a whopping $325.71 each which was getting very close to $2000! Yikes! I once again began wrestling with the Lord and asked Him if I had heard right. I was discouraged and knew that I didn't possess in any way anywhere near the power or influence I needed to make this happen. All I could do was pray.
Then on Wednesday night I chatted with my dear friend Debbie who had visited us here in Ecuador and who keeps up with each of our lives as we live out the missionary existence. I told her how things were going with this flight change and how I was feeling. At the end of our conversation we prayed together and during that time she asked the Lord to move on our behalf so that we could go home early. When she spoke her request, something inside me clicked on and I began to once again believe that the answer would be 'yes'. It was an encouraging moment and I had a renewed belief to press on.
The next morning I woke up and with a few minutes to myself, I snuck over to the couch and began reading my Bible and praying aloud. I talked to God about my gratitude for so many, many things and spent some time praying for my family members, myself, and for a large number of friends and extended family. Then I asked, once again, for favor with the airlines and with the person who would speak to us on the phone. Immediately the Lord reminded me of the parable that Jesus told in one of the Gospels about the persistent neighbor. You see, in the story, Jesus tells of a man and his family that have gone to bed for the night. All of a sudden a neighbor begins pounding on their door to which the man replies with impatience and a lack of concern. You can imagine: "It's late. We're already in bed. I"m in my pajamas. Come back tomorrow. Or, better yet, go beat on someone else's door." Yet, because the neighbor was persistent in his knocking, the man eventually got out of bed and opened the door.
This so encouraged me that when I finished praying I considered calling the airlines right away. I felt like the Lord was giving me another confirming 'yes'. However, as often happens in our home, when people began to wake up, plans get made, games get pulled out, tasks get assigned, meals get eaten, and life moves in myriad directions. Since it was a day off for us (Ecuadorian Labor Day) it really did go into many directions. Needless to say, I forgot to make the call and I eventually went off to have a cup of tea with my sweet friend Rebekah.
Two plus hours later when I returned, Doug and I began playing table tennis. He'd just returned from our neighbors house where they were storing the table. They were so relieved when Doug asked them if we could borrow their ping-pong table since the thing is so old and were thrilled that we'd take it off of their hands. What a fun way to enjoy the outdoors even if it's raining. As we played we discussed our day and my tea outing and how our day off had taken shape.
Finally Jacobey came over to find out what we were having for dinner. "I think we should celebrate," replied my dear husband. "What are we celebrating?" I asked. "Instead of going home in 50 days, we'll be flying out in 40." WHAT!? NO WAY! After I recovered from the fact that I'd just spent 30 minutes with him and he'd not mentioned a thing about the news, I then did a little jig and whooped it up loud enough for Shell to wonder what was up.
Apparently while I was away, Doug called the airlines. He had done and said the very same things that I had each of the previous times. He'd gotten the same response initially of a nearly $2000 charge and he'd prayed while he waited. The only difference this time is that the eventual answer became a 'yes'. They said that they would move the flight and all we'd have to pay is the 71 cents/ticket. WOW!
So, in the end, we see that God DOES answer prayer. Fervency in prayer pays off. All we have to do is trust and obey--and pray.....
Thanks for reading,
Blessings, kim
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