The past two weeks have been so sweet and so full. We've been in the rainforest, in the Andes Mountains, in the suburbs at my parents' house, and now in our own home. We're thrilled to be back in our own bed and among our family and friends. The impromptu conversations in our yard, at the store, on the phone, in our home, and at others' houses continue to bless us tremendously. I never grow tired of seeing smiling faces that are happy to see us and eager to give a hug to a weary sojourner. May our homecoming last a good long while.
Doug and I are attempting to hold onto the life lessons and the inner changes that we've experienced--being in our own home culture certainly makes that harder. Slower, more contemplative living is not the American way. Yet, we're trying to still get 8 hours of sleep, talk and pray together each morning, tackle a reasonable amount of things each day before the day's done, connect with those we love, take our time when driving and going about our day's business, and sit with our kids at night just talking and laughing together. More importantly though, we're giving ourselves tons of grace all day long: grace to just sit for a minute and have a cup of tea; grace to enjoy the neighbor who just stopped by even when there's much to be done; grace to allow the kids to not be completely comfortable with all the hugs and conversations with people they barely remember; grace to be American without having to jump into everything we as Americans do.
For example, while shopping today I listened to the music the stores had pumped in and the messages the songs were feeding their listeners. While driving I noticed the facial expressions and pace at which we were moving. While interacting with cashiers and other store employees I noticed how people treat one another. And while engaging in conversations I noticed which topics were of importance and which were not. Today was a day of re-learning my culture.
I have discovered that I'm not completely comfortable in my culture any longer. It makes me feel rushed. It makes me feel guilty if I don't consume and use up all I can. It makes me feel unprepared and unplanned and unable if I want to just take my time and stop to smell the roses. It makes me feel that the things I deem important are irrelevant and unimportant and so-last-year (or century). My culture follows trends, and twitter, and facebook, and icons, and fashion, and so many other things that change and update and refresh. At this moment, it's too much for me. I just need time.
So for now, I'm going to simply engage with those who the Lord puts in my path; I'm going to unpack and put away the remaining things that need to find homes in our house; and I'm going to talk to the Lord all day long about what to do next. As long as I'm tuned into His voice, it'll all turn out just fine.
Blessings, kim
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Leaving Shell
Yesterday morning Doug and I woke up late: 7:45 am--about an hour later than we had wanted to. The night before we had spent over 3 hours sitting by a campfire on the compound singing songs, roasting marshmellows, drinking hot chocolate, and generally just enjoying the last night in the jungle. I didn't want to go in but at 11:30 pm we realized that dawn would be just around the corner and so would our driver.
So, at 7:45 am Doug and I flew out of bed and began moving suitcases outside. At 7:50 our first guests arrived to say good-bye. Not a pretty sight! Pajamas, glasses, hair every which way, funky morning breath, and the realization that this would be a final fair-well requiring lots of proximity. Yikes.
So once we said goodbye to this first group of six, I jumped into the shower so that at least I would look a little more pleasant, albeit wet, when others arrived. Brushed teeth, coaxed kids out of bed to no avail, and began to move more things out of the house.
The second group included my sweet Ecuadorian friend Nelly and her daughter who is now my goddaughter. (Three weeks ago I was asked to take Daniela's first communion with her and therefore became an important person in her family. When I realized that that meant that Doug was now a godfather, I couldn't help but smile.) Many tears, several hugs, lots of blessings spoken between us both, and handing off of my raincoat which I hope to never need again. Nelly is precious.
Our German friend who had adopted two Ashuar (a jungle tribe) children was next to arrive and she gave me a strong hug and prayed over our family. A very kind friend who we grew to appreciate greatly.
Finally, our neighbors from four different houses, our pastor, two families from outside the compound, and our driver all showed up between 8:30 and 8:45. It was a circus and I was the dancing bear! So many things in my head, sifting through shoes--which to keep, which to throw away--, what minor things to give away, what last words to share with each person, what photos would I like to take before departing. Then, I remembered that we hadn't taken our motion sickness pills an hour prior to our leaving! So, digging through packed suitcases to find my backpack which contained the necessary pills.
Seth received a cool Woarani spear and blow-dart gun from his friend, Selah did a few more jumps and runs with her fellow first grader, Darius received a warm goodbye from a mom who loved playing basketball with him, and Jacobey came out of the house looking confused by all the commotion.
Twenty-six people sending us off at 9:15 was not what we expected. They hugged....they prayed for us....they posed for pictures....they said kind words.....I cried. When we finally drove off in our van, three of the children chased us down the road till we turned the corner and were out of sight. I cried some more.
Though rushed and way more distracting than I expected, it was a send off that I appreciated more than I can express. It was just what I think we all needed and we were so grateful.
The remainder of the day was spent driving to Quito, staring out the window enjoying the countryside for the last time, genuinely missing the country of Ecuador. It is a beautiful place that now occupies a big spot in, I think, each of our hearts. I'm so glad that we still have three more days here to enjoy the people, the beauty, the language, and the culture.
Blessings, kim
So, at 7:45 am Doug and I flew out of bed and began moving suitcases outside. At 7:50 our first guests arrived to say good-bye. Not a pretty sight! Pajamas, glasses, hair every which way, funky morning breath, and the realization that this would be a final fair-well requiring lots of proximity. Yikes.
So once we said goodbye to this first group of six, I jumped into the shower so that at least I would look a little more pleasant, albeit wet, when others arrived. Brushed teeth, coaxed kids out of bed to no avail, and began to move more things out of the house.
The second group included my sweet Ecuadorian friend Nelly and her daughter who is now my goddaughter. (Three weeks ago I was asked to take Daniela's first communion with her and therefore became an important person in her family. When I realized that that meant that Doug was now a godfather, I couldn't help but smile.) Many tears, several hugs, lots of blessings spoken between us both, and handing off of my raincoat which I hope to never need again. Nelly is precious.
Our German friend who had adopted two Ashuar (a jungle tribe) children was next to arrive and she gave me a strong hug and prayed over our family. A very kind friend who we grew to appreciate greatly.
Finally, our neighbors from four different houses, our pastor, two families from outside the compound, and our driver all showed up between 8:30 and 8:45. It was a circus and I was the dancing bear! So many things in my head, sifting through shoes--which to keep, which to throw away--, what minor things to give away, what last words to share with each person, what photos would I like to take before departing. Then, I remembered that we hadn't taken our motion sickness pills an hour prior to our leaving! So, digging through packed suitcases to find my backpack which contained the necessary pills.
Seth received a cool Woarani spear and blow-dart gun from his friend, Selah did a few more jumps and runs with her fellow first grader, Darius received a warm goodbye from a mom who loved playing basketball with him, and Jacobey came out of the house looking confused by all the commotion.
Twenty-six people sending us off at 9:15 was not what we expected. They hugged....they prayed for us....they posed for pictures....they said kind words.....I cried. When we finally drove off in our van, three of the children chased us down the road till we turned the corner and were out of sight. I cried some more.
Though rushed and way more distracting than I expected, it was a send off that I appreciated more than I can express. It was just what I think we all needed and we were so grateful.
The remainder of the day was spent driving to Quito, staring out the window enjoying the countryside for the last time, genuinely missing the country of Ecuador. It is a beautiful place that now occupies a big spot in, I think, each of our hearts. I'm so glad that we still have three more days here to enjoy the people, the beauty, the language, and the culture.
Blessings, kim
Friday, June 5, 2015
Exhaustion
That's roughly where we are. Exhaustion.
The sand is running out of the hour glass (for those of you older like me, you'll know what I'm talking about) and the list of things to accomplish before this move has been long. Each day we've tried to have a balance of spending time with friends, saying good-byes to the our local friends and acquaintances, packing, and attending to school responsibilities. Knocking out things a little at a time has been key. Therefore the list is getting shorter and shorter by the day--which takes us in part as to why we're so wiped out.
The other part of the story is that we (mainly me) have begun to feel the symptoms of having parasites (extreme abdominal pain after beginning a meal) and that's somewhat draining on the body. Having parasites is one thing--it makes you miserable to eat so you avoid food completely--, but taking the medicine with its side effects is another. Oh the joys of bugs!
I've also shed more than my fair share of tears over the past week having to let go of some friendships which have been instrumental in my time here. Friends who I've shared few details with but who have known how my heart has felt. Often they have felt the same thing.
Here at the end I've discovered that the Lord has given us the opportunity to be like Christ in each of these challenging situations. Notice though that I used the word 'opportunity'. It's never been a requirement or a foregone conclusion that we would be Christ-like. It's simply been the opportunity to do the right thing: to speak kindly, to invite and include, to smile and initiate conversation, to serve and bless, to forgive and give grace. Sometimes we've done well; sometimes not so much.
For example, on Monday Doug was cheerful, kind, patient, forgiving, and loving toward everyone. He was genuinely full of joy and peace, singing, smiling, and really exhibiting a great attitude. Meanwhile I was beyond cranky and honestly ready to tear into anyone who said even the slightest annoying thing. It was really bad and I knew that I was going to greatly regret anything that came out of my mouth. I had gotten to the end of my rope and I wanted to say every mean thing I could think of. Thankfully and very prayerfully I managed to control my anger and frustration that whole day. By day's end I felt as if a major battle had been won.
So on Tuesday I wonderfully felt free from all those negative emotions and was able to really pour out grace and love on others. It came so easily. I didn't even have to think about it. I spent time with one person I had been furious with previously and I was able to be pleasant and loving--and honestly mean it. God was good! I had love where there had been none the day before.
Sadly though, while I was experiencing Doug's Monday attitude of love and joy, he was knee-deep in my ugly Monday junk of anger, bitterness, and a readiness to pounce. We had completely switched roles. Yet he too was able to control himself and felt as I had, that a major battle had been won by choosing to love instead of hate.
In the end we both observed that neither of us was able to 'work up kindness' in our hearts. It really was a supernatural thing (or said another way, something that was not of us and our will to do the right thing; it was from a source that was greater than the natural, physical self). It was the Spirit living in each of us that was giving us the strength. And because the Spirit lives there all the time, and on this particular occasion we choose to let Him determine our words and actions, we were able to witness the pouring out of the 'fruit of the Spirit' which are: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Neither of us had decided to fake niceness--the kindness and all things that came with it were genuine. We really were joyful, and loving, and self-controlled. But also, not only were they genuine, they were not attributed to us. They were all available and in abundance simply because we had chosen to cooperate with the Spirit.
Oh how it grieves me when I don't cooperate. When I take matters into my own hands and let my emotions and thoughts run wild. It's ugly and not anything like Christ.
Just something to ponder. I'm headed to bed......
Blessings, kim
The sand is running out of the hour glass (for those of you older like me, you'll know what I'm talking about) and the list of things to accomplish before this move has been long. Each day we've tried to have a balance of spending time with friends, saying good-byes to the our local friends and acquaintances, packing, and attending to school responsibilities. Knocking out things a little at a time has been key. Therefore the list is getting shorter and shorter by the day--which takes us in part as to why we're so wiped out.
The other part of the story is that we (mainly me) have begun to feel the symptoms of having parasites (extreme abdominal pain after beginning a meal) and that's somewhat draining on the body. Having parasites is one thing--it makes you miserable to eat so you avoid food completely--, but taking the medicine with its side effects is another. Oh the joys of bugs!
I've also shed more than my fair share of tears over the past week having to let go of some friendships which have been instrumental in my time here. Friends who I've shared few details with but who have known how my heart has felt. Often they have felt the same thing.
Here at the end I've discovered that the Lord has given us the opportunity to be like Christ in each of these challenging situations. Notice though that I used the word 'opportunity'. It's never been a requirement or a foregone conclusion that we would be Christ-like. It's simply been the opportunity to do the right thing: to speak kindly, to invite and include, to smile and initiate conversation, to serve and bless, to forgive and give grace. Sometimes we've done well; sometimes not so much.
For example, on Monday Doug was cheerful, kind, patient, forgiving, and loving toward everyone. He was genuinely full of joy and peace, singing, smiling, and really exhibiting a great attitude. Meanwhile I was beyond cranky and honestly ready to tear into anyone who said even the slightest annoying thing. It was really bad and I knew that I was going to greatly regret anything that came out of my mouth. I had gotten to the end of my rope and I wanted to say every mean thing I could think of. Thankfully and very prayerfully I managed to control my anger and frustration that whole day. By day's end I felt as if a major battle had been won.
So on Tuesday I wonderfully felt free from all those negative emotions and was able to really pour out grace and love on others. It came so easily. I didn't even have to think about it. I spent time with one person I had been furious with previously and I was able to be pleasant and loving--and honestly mean it. God was good! I had love where there had been none the day before.
Sadly though, while I was experiencing Doug's Monday attitude of love and joy, he was knee-deep in my ugly Monday junk of anger, bitterness, and a readiness to pounce. We had completely switched roles. Yet he too was able to control himself and felt as I had, that a major battle had been won by choosing to love instead of hate.
In the end we both observed that neither of us was able to 'work up kindness' in our hearts. It really was a supernatural thing (or said another way, something that was not of us and our will to do the right thing; it was from a source that was greater than the natural, physical self). It was the Spirit living in each of us that was giving us the strength. And because the Spirit lives there all the time, and on this particular occasion we choose to let Him determine our words and actions, we were able to witness the pouring out of the 'fruit of the Spirit' which are: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Neither of us had decided to fake niceness--the kindness and all things that came with it were genuine. We really were joyful, and loving, and self-controlled. But also, not only were they genuine, they were not attributed to us. They were all available and in abundance simply because we had chosen to cooperate with the Spirit.
Oh how it grieves me when I don't cooperate. When I take matters into my own hands and let my emotions and thoughts run wild. It's ugly and not anything like Christ.
Just something to ponder. I'm headed to bed......
Blessings, kim
Monday, June 1, 2015
Approval
So whose approval are you living for?
Your parents', siblings', neighbors', colleagues', fellow church members'? Some one else?
Ever consider who you really are living to impress? And, do you think you're actually impressing them and that you have their approval? WOW, I was doing okay until I got to that question.
The entire day today I wrestled with that question. Who am I trying to win over? Who am I trying to impress with the things that I do? And, do I actually believe that it's getting me somewhere?
We are in real trouble if we believe in our hearts that we can win people over. For if we win one person over, we're sure to disappoint another. We are sure to make enemies before we know it because you simply cannot make everyone happy all at the same time.
But, more importantly, we were not created to be people pleasers. People are fickle. They have finite wisdom and selfish desires. Impressing one person today may mean something completely different tomorrow. Instead, we were created to commune with God and to closely align with His desires and His call upon our life. To attempt to live up to the call that another gives us and then to work hard to gain their approval is a losing battle.
We must determine in our hearts to simply do as the Lord has instructed us and to see that is it only for Him that we move and breathe. I hope to really live and act and do what is right and not what is popular or going to be approved of. . . . I want to live for more than the applause of the moment..
Blessings, kim
Your parents', siblings', neighbors', colleagues', fellow church members'? Some one else?
Ever consider who you really are living to impress? And, do you think you're actually impressing them and that you have their approval? WOW, I was doing okay until I got to that question.
The entire day today I wrestled with that question. Who am I trying to win over? Who am I trying to impress with the things that I do? And, do I actually believe that it's getting me somewhere?
We are in real trouble if we believe in our hearts that we can win people over. For if we win one person over, we're sure to disappoint another. We are sure to make enemies before we know it because you simply cannot make everyone happy all at the same time.
But, more importantly, we were not created to be people pleasers. People are fickle. They have finite wisdom and selfish desires. Impressing one person today may mean something completely different tomorrow. Instead, we were created to commune with God and to closely align with His desires and His call upon our life. To attempt to live up to the call that another gives us and then to work hard to gain their approval is a losing battle.
We must determine in our hearts to simply do as the Lord has instructed us and to see that is it only for Him that we move and breathe. I hope to really live and act and do what is right and not what is popular or going to be approved of. . . . I want to live for more than the applause of the moment..
Blessings, kim
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Trust
"Do you trust me?" was the question I felt being repeated over and over again last night as I lay in bed unable to sleep. "Do you trust me?"
He was asking, "If you forgive those who have rejected you, do you trust me to heal your heart?
"If you choose to not repay evil with evil and instead choose to do good and to bless others, do you trust me to bless you in return?"
"If you choose not to obsess and worry about how you should respond but instead let me do your thinking for you, do you trust me to give you the right words when you need them at the right time?"
"If you choose to put me first in every single area of your life, do you trust me to take care of you well?
It certainly was so much easier to lay in bed upset, hurt, angry, obsessing, and brooding over how I should best repay this latest hurt. It was easy making up conversations with people that I feel have really been honestly very uncaring or at times down right mean. It was easy drumming up lots of emotion and justification for feeling the way I did.
However, it was getting me more and more upset, causing my heart to race and my mind to race, and it was getting me no where. It wasn't making me feel any better. In fact, it was making me feel worse and worse by the moment. And, it was keeping me from sleep--a very important commodity.
I felt like the discussion between the Lord and I was over whether I would let this latest hurtful situation ruin me, my sleep, my appetite, and my Christian witness, or if I were going to decide to do the right thing anyway and completely trust that whatever resulted would be for my good.
In my mind, it became a Gethsemane moment--a moment where I was struggling enormously with the way we had been treated and I was struggling to keep my mind focused on what was the right thing to do. Jesus had struggled there in the garden with the burden of what was to come--His crucifixion--knowing that He would be wrongly accused and treated more horribly than one can bear. Though His circumstances were infinitely more devastating and demanding, I felt last night as if the question were still the same:
"Do you trust me with your life? Will you follow through on what you have committed to do? Will you love your enemies even when they wish to have nothing to do with you? Will you rest in Me and in My ways instead of in your own limited, fallible ones?"
It took three separate times during the night for me to wrestle with the Lord over this decision, and thankfully, three separate times I had to concede that being in His hands and doing things His way was certainly a much safer and wiser road than the one I was headed on. I'm happy to report that sleep did come immediately on each occasion when I said that I would trust Him because, as the scripture says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."
May we keep trusting.....
Blessings, kim
He was asking, "If you forgive those who have rejected you, do you trust me to heal your heart?
"If you choose to not repay evil with evil and instead choose to do good and to bless others, do you trust me to bless you in return?"
"If you choose not to obsess and worry about how you should respond but instead let me do your thinking for you, do you trust me to give you the right words when you need them at the right time?"
"If you choose to put me first in every single area of your life, do you trust me to take care of you well?
It certainly was so much easier to lay in bed upset, hurt, angry, obsessing, and brooding over how I should best repay this latest hurt. It was easy making up conversations with people that I feel have really been honestly very uncaring or at times down right mean. It was easy drumming up lots of emotion and justification for feeling the way I did.
However, it was getting me more and more upset, causing my heart to race and my mind to race, and it was getting me no where. It wasn't making me feel any better. In fact, it was making me feel worse and worse by the moment. And, it was keeping me from sleep--a very important commodity.
I felt like the discussion between the Lord and I was over whether I would let this latest hurtful situation ruin me, my sleep, my appetite, and my Christian witness, or if I were going to decide to do the right thing anyway and completely trust that whatever resulted would be for my good.
In my mind, it became a Gethsemane moment--a moment where I was struggling enormously with the way we had been treated and I was struggling to keep my mind focused on what was the right thing to do. Jesus had struggled there in the garden with the burden of what was to come--His crucifixion--knowing that He would be wrongly accused and treated more horribly than one can bear. Though His circumstances were infinitely more devastating and demanding, I felt last night as if the question were still the same:
"Do you trust me with your life? Will you follow through on what you have committed to do? Will you love your enemies even when they wish to have nothing to do with you? Will you rest in Me and in My ways instead of in your own limited, fallible ones?"
It took three separate times during the night for me to wrestle with the Lord over this decision, and thankfully, three separate times I had to concede that being in His hands and doing things His way was certainly a much safer and wiser road than the one I was headed on. I'm happy to report that sleep did come immediately on each occasion when I said that I would trust Him because, as the scripture says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."
May we keep trusting.....
Blessings, kim
Thursday, May 28, 2015
The Sabbath
Today in Bible class the kids and I were reading from the end of John's gospel. (We've read through the four gospels this school year and it's been a wonderful journey.) We were reading today that just prior to Jesus' death He said, "It is finished," and then He gave up His Spirit. These were familiar words to us all since we'd already read through Matthew, Mark, and Luke and were much aware of the last moments of our Savior's life.
Well, in the story that John tells, he reports that shortly after Jesus' death He was taken down from the cross and laid out so that His body could be wrapped with linen cloth and spices. Joseph and Nicodemus took care of Him and laid Him in the tomb. The reason John gives for their need to prepare His body so quickly was because the next day would be a Special Sabbath. And, as we know, no work is to be done on the Sabbath--it is a day of rest. We paused and considered that for a few minutes.
"It is finished" + Special Sabbath.....?
Where else have we heard that in the Bible?
Then it hit me. In Genesis, God created the heavens and the earth and all that we know of in six days. When He finished with His creation, He rested. Was that not a very Special Sabbath as well?
Thus, it was finished + Special Sabbath.....
Interesting. I love it when the Bible shows me new things that I've never noticed before.
Blessings, kim
Well, in the story that John tells, he reports that shortly after Jesus' death He was taken down from the cross and laid out so that His body could be wrapped with linen cloth and spices. Joseph and Nicodemus took care of Him and laid Him in the tomb. The reason John gives for their need to prepare His body so quickly was because the next day would be a Special Sabbath. And, as we know, no work is to be done on the Sabbath--it is a day of rest. We paused and considered that for a few minutes.
"It is finished" + Special Sabbath.....?
Where else have we heard that in the Bible?
Then it hit me. In Genesis, God created the heavens and the earth and all that we know of in six days. When He finished with His creation, He rested. Was that not a very Special Sabbath as well?
Thus, it was finished + Special Sabbath.....
Interesting. I love it when the Bible shows me new things that I've never noticed before.
Blessings, kim
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Freedom in Christ
What is Freedom in Christ? I'll describe it as:
Allowing other Christian believers to live as the Lord calls them to. It's letting them live out their Christian walk in the way that they believe is best. It's not getting in their way if they know that the Lord has allowed them to do things differently from the way He's told us to do things. It's knowing that God did not make us all exactly the same, therefore, He doesn't expect us all to live exactly in the same way. He expects us to listen to Him and His voice more than we are to listen to the voices and prompting of others. What this also implies then is that we don't correct others on their choices unless it is blatant sin.
I don't believe we're very good in the Christian community at allowing others to experience freedom in Christ. I think we too often see how another person is living and we decide in our own hearts that they have chosen poorly. We then express to them our disapproval of their ways and we shut down their sense of freedom and sense of acceptance from the Lord.
This grieves me so. I can see now that I have done this very thing--this lack of love and acceptance for others and their ways of doing things. This is not a building of the Christian family; it is a tearing apart. It is living contrary to the ways of Jesus.
I see my own past culpability in the lives of others because this year I have experienced that same thing myself. I have been in one relationship in particular that has this at the core. One person in my midst here has expressed to me over and over and over again that the way I do things is not the way they would. The person has been quick to find fault with me and has let me know on numerous occasions that the way I live is counter to the way they do. Oh how painful this has been. It has torn me apart and has caused me anger, frustration, sadness, remorse, longing, and despair at times. It's cost me many a night's sleep and has made me seek, on more than one occasion, reconciliation and restoration which I knew would never come. I simply have not matched up to their expectations.
Being on the receiving end of such a terrible, debilitating experience has opened my eyes to the horrible state that this puts someone in. Thankfully, it's caused me to look outward to question: Am I that way with anyone? Do I shackle anyone in my midst and steal their freedom in Christ?
I'm of course equally horrified to report that the answer is yes. I have stolen the freedom of others. I have made others feel as if their ways were not 'right' or 'best'. Many times across the years, I have done that with friends, family, neighbors, small group members, my children, and those who were walking down the path alongside me. I too have stolen freedom that only Christ can give.
May we all look at how we perceive others and their choices--and may we all walk alongside and encourage others to listen to the Lord, instead of listening to us. He knows best, not us.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings, kim
Allowing other Christian believers to live as the Lord calls them to. It's letting them live out their Christian walk in the way that they believe is best. It's not getting in their way if they know that the Lord has allowed them to do things differently from the way He's told us to do things. It's knowing that God did not make us all exactly the same, therefore, He doesn't expect us all to live exactly in the same way. He expects us to listen to Him and His voice more than we are to listen to the voices and prompting of others. What this also implies then is that we don't correct others on their choices unless it is blatant sin.
I don't believe we're very good in the Christian community at allowing others to experience freedom in Christ. I think we too often see how another person is living and we decide in our own hearts that they have chosen poorly. We then express to them our disapproval of their ways and we shut down their sense of freedom and sense of acceptance from the Lord.
This grieves me so. I can see now that I have done this very thing--this lack of love and acceptance for others and their ways of doing things. This is not a building of the Christian family; it is a tearing apart. It is living contrary to the ways of Jesus.
I see my own past culpability in the lives of others because this year I have experienced that same thing myself. I have been in one relationship in particular that has this at the core. One person in my midst here has expressed to me over and over and over again that the way I do things is not the way they would. The person has been quick to find fault with me and has let me know on numerous occasions that the way I live is counter to the way they do. Oh how painful this has been. It has torn me apart and has caused me anger, frustration, sadness, remorse, longing, and despair at times. It's cost me many a night's sleep and has made me seek, on more than one occasion, reconciliation and restoration which I knew would never come. I simply have not matched up to their expectations.
Being on the receiving end of such a terrible, debilitating experience has opened my eyes to the horrible state that this puts someone in. Thankfully, it's caused me to look outward to question: Am I that way with anyone? Do I shackle anyone in my midst and steal their freedom in Christ?
I'm of course equally horrified to report that the answer is yes. I have stolen the freedom of others. I have made others feel as if their ways were not 'right' or 'best'. Many times across the years, I have done that with friends, family, neighbors, small group members, my children, and those who were walking down the path alongside me. I too have stolen freedom that only Christ can give.
May we all look at how we perceive others and their choices--and may we all walk alongside and encourage others to listen to the Lord, instead of listening to us. He knows best, not us.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings, kim
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