Exhaustion

That's roughly where we are.  Exhaustion.

The sand is running out of the hour glass (for those of you older like me, you'll know what I'm talking about) and the list of things to accomplish before this move has been long.  Each day we've tried to have a balance of spending time with friends, saying good-byes to the our local friends and acquaintances, packing, and attending to school responsibilities.  Knocking out things a little at a time has been key.  Therefore the list is getting shorter and shorter by the day--which takes us in part as to why we're so wiped out.

The other part of the story is that we (mainly me) have begun to feel the symptoms of having parasites (extreme abdominal pain after beginning a meal) and that's somewhat draining on the body.  Having parasites is one thing--it makes you miserable to eat so you avoid food completely--, but taking the medicine with its side effects is another.  Oh the joys of bugs! 

I've also shed more than my fair share of tears over the past week having to let go of some friendships which have been instrumental in my time here.  Friends who I've shared few details with but who have known how my heart has felt.  Often they have felt the same thing.

Here at the end I've discovered that the Lord has given us the opportunity to be like Christ in each of these challenging situations.  Notice though that I used the word 'opportunity'.  It's never been a requirement or a foregone conclusion that we would be Christ-like.  It's simply been the opportunity to do the right thing: to speak kindly, to invite and include, to smile and initiate conversation, to serve and bless, to forgive and give grace.  Sometimes we've done well; sometimes not so much. 

For example, on Monday Doug was cheerful, kind, patient, forgiving, and loving toward everyone.  He was genuinely full of joy and peace, singing, smiling, and really exhibiting a great attitude.  Meanwhile I was beyond cranky and honestly ready to tear into anyone who said even the slightest annoying thing.  It was really bad and I knew that I was going to greatly regret anything that came out of my mouth.  I had gotten to the end of my rope and I wanted to say every mean thing I could think of. Thankfully and very prayerfully I managed to control my anger and frustration that whole day.  By day's end I felt as if a major battle had been won.

So on Tuesday I wonderfully felt free from all those negative emotions and was able to really pour out grace and love on others.  It came so easily.  I didn't even have to think about it.  I spent time with one person I had been furious with previously and I was able to be pleasant and loving--and honestly mean it.  God was good!  I had love where there had been none the day before. 

Sadly though, while I was experiencing Doug's Monday attitude of love and joy, he was knee-deep in my ugly Monday junk of anger, bitterness, and a readiness to pounce.  We had completely switched roles.  Yet he too was able to control himself and felt as I had, that a major battle had been won by choosing to love instead of hate.

In the end we both observed that neither of us was able to 'work up kindness' in our hearts. It really was a supernatural thing (or said another way, something that was not of us and our will to do the right thing; it was from a source that was greater than the natural, physical self).  It was the Spirit living in each of us that was giving us the strength.  And because the Spirit lives there all the time, and on this particular occasion we choose to let Him determine our words and actions, we were able to witness the pouring out of the 'fruit of the Spirit' which are:  love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  Neither of us had decided to fake niceness--the kindness and all things that came with it were genuine.  We really were joyful, and loving, and self-controlled. But also, not only were they genuine, they were not attributed to us.  They were all available and in abundance simply because we had chosen to cooperate with the Spirit. 

Oh how it grieves me when I don't cooperate.  When I take matters into my own hands and let my emotions and thoughts run wild.  It's ugly and not anything like Christ. 

Just something to ponder.  I'm headed to bed......
Blessings, kim