Grace

John the Baptist and Jesus both started their messages with "repent" because until we are faced with our own sinful nature we will in no way be willing to NEED or desire grace or mercy.  It's not until one is in prison that they begin to ask for amnesty or release from blame.  Until then we all live in denial that we've even done anything wrong.  Or worse yet, we know that we are guilty but we try to hide from that fact from anyone who might notice.  When the Lord finally shows us our sin, that's when we catch a glimpse of our poverty, or need, or desperation.   That's when we see we need grace. That's when we finally become humble and contrite in spirit.  One of the amazing things about Jesus is that He was humble already.  No sin needed to be revealed in Him to get Him to that humility.  We, however, are not that way.  We are sinners through and through.  He has to reveal our sin to us--otherwise we see no sin.  We look at ourselves and see good deeds.   In His attempts to show us the sin, we respond, "No thanks.  I've got this.  I'll get into your presence on my own.  I'll come to you because I'm serving you and doing good things for you."  When we react this way in our hearts, we're in essence saying, "I need no Jesus--He needs me."

What a huge difference, huh?  When we say that we're not sinners and that we need no Savior, we go from being close to the Lord and humble and drawn into His kingdom, to being prideful and unwilling to let go of our sin.  Remember, none of us is good.  None. 

Ask the Lord to show you your sin, and He'll gently show you a small fraction of what sinfulness you possess.  He'll only reveal a tiny portion because you cannot handle the full revelation.  It would destroy you.  You'd be overwhelmed with the truth of just how sinful you are.  But if you're patient and earnest in your asking, He'll begin to reveal a smidge to let you know:
1.  that He's with you and heard your question.
2.  that if you're truly ready, He'll open your eyes.
3.  that if you want to, He'll reveal just how BIG He is and just how imperfect you are.

Beware, because if you begin this journey--really begin the journey of discovery--you will at times be overwhelmed with self disgust at how sinful you are, while truly seeing how amazing and powerful and sovereign God is. When you think about it, isn't that the way it should be?  Shouldn't we all know that the God who created us IS amazing, powerful, and sovereign.  If you believe in a God that's not, then why do you believe in Him?  Why would you follow someone so pitiful while you are so amazing already? 

THIS is the Christian life.  To be a follower of Christ is to know Christ, not merely to do Christian things.  When you walk with Jesus and seek His presence and His power and desire His view of people and of yourself, you'll crave to know the truth. You'll crave to know what He knows and to do what He does.  Even if it means that you'll see your own shortcomings, failures, sins. 

You'll know you've just begun the journey and that's honestly the most eye-opening and exciting relationship of your life.  It's my prayer that everyone who reads this will courageously ask the Lord to reveal the sin in their heart.  Then watch out--you're in for the ride of your life.  I'll pray that you'll stay the course, truly be changed, and receive the crown of victory.  For if Christ is in you and for you, then who can be against you?!

Thanks for reading and best wishes,
kim

Blessings

I'm so sorry that I've not been very faithful in blogging over the past few weeks.  It really is not my intention to let it go for so long.  I do have a ton to say but finding the time and just the right message has been fairly difficult. 

Life here has been a challenge in many ways but we were so blessed this week by three outstanding things.  You see, we have a team of people currently here that have come from the States on a short-term mission trip.  There are ten of them and they've flown here from the east coast--Pennsylvania/Delaware.  Prior to their arrival they received packages from both my mom and Doug's mom.  In these packages were some of the most simple things (pretzels, Planter's Peanuts, new socks, new t-shirts, gum, Texas Pecan coffee, instant creamer, hot chocolate packets, Tabasco, peanut butter, corn starch, nutmeg, oatmeal packets, Jolly Ranchers, and a few other wonderful things).  Well, when they arrived they brought these packages with them and the six of us tore into the gifts and were excited. It really was just like Christmas.  The kids also received some of their favorite card games and VeggieTales videos.  I received a music CD for my classroom and Doug got an audio book.  Two friends, Darleen and Irene also sent some books that are just the kind of reading material that I was looking for.  Since we have no television and spotty internet and rainy weather often, these things have already blessed us richly.

The other thing that we loved was the meals out that the team has treated us to.  We had pizza together one evening and they generously picked up the tab and even took us out for soft serve ice cream thereafter.  What an amazing thing.  On another night they had Chinese food sent to our house!  Then, last night they hosted a big community  event where they served hot dogs and s'mores. 

The topper though is this one:  This team brought with them suitcases full of toys for the missionary kids in our community.  There are about thirty kids so this is no small feat.  They brought board games, skate boards, Nerf guns, electronic helicopters, stuffed animals, and all sorts of other very kid-friendly gifts.  All the missionary kids' names went into a hat and then were drawn out so that the  kids could choose their gift.  All the parents watched as this process played out and we couldn't believe the kindness that was being shown our kids.  Well, when our kids' names were toward the bottom of the line I couldn't help but feel for them as they watched others choose something that I knew that they had wanted.  I was so encouraged though when they chose from what was left with grateful hearts and excitement.  All of our kids were notably excited about this opportunity.

Well, at the end of the process when the last child had chosen her gift, the group leader announced the results of a vote that the kids has apparently conducted earlier in the evening.  The group had asked the kids to choose four from their midst who were the epitome of Christ-likeness, kindness, and generosity toward others.  These four kids were to receive an additional gift.  In anticipation of this announcement I had reminded myself not to get my hopes up and I knew genuine happiness for the winners would be the right response out of not only myself but also out of my family members.  Well, when the second child named was 'Jacobey', I cried out and jumped up and down as if I'd just won the Miss America contest.  I was enormously proud of my son--my son who has been ridiculed greatly by a number of kids and who I have had to walk this long, long road with.  This is the same son that I constantly am having to remind to be of good courage to do the right thing even when others do not.  The son who reported to me that he thought he couldn't make it here another five months.

When Jacobey came to me at the conclusion of the evening just a matter of five minutes later, he and I embraced in a flood of tears. We were both in shock and profoundly impacted by what had just taken place. We felt that his good, but very hard choices, had paid off and that he knew that even though some of the kids may not like him, at least a portion of them appreciated his ways.

Today we're still processing this event.  We're still amazed at how things have turned out and we're still really grateful for this little blessing.
Praise God for sweet gifts of kindness in the most surprising ways.
Thanks for reading,
Blessings, kim

Sacrifices

There are numerous things that we've had to leave behind when coming to Ecuador.  Some of them are profound, others are fairly simply and almost frivolous.  Yet, all have been eliminated from our daily life and therefore we miss them greatly.
My cousin's wedding
My Granny's 90th birthday
Our family members
Our neighbors
Our English-speaking church
American coffee
salad dressing
fast food
Chick-fil-A
pizza with marinara
sushi
black pepper
jalapenos
pretzels
Christmas décor and celebrations
real Christmas trees
quality made shoes
coffee shops
book stores
a car!!!!!
cold weather
sunshine
cheap postage
grocery stores
pudding
Lowrey's Season Salt
pecans
bagels
turkey bacon
buffets
Blue Bell Ice Cream
pickles
warm swimming pools
a salary
sea food
grilling
our house
Target
fenders on back bicycle tires which prevent one from wearing mud on his back all day
a garage
power tools
a quality mixer
taking drinking water from the tap
straight roads
fruits and veggies that don't need to be soaked
streets free from stay dogs and their poop
cold milk
thick yogurt
a variety of cheeses
quality q-tips
purchasing pork without seeing the hooves or snout as an option
buying a chicken without asking to have the head and feet cut off
quality umbrellas
addresses on buildings
a home phone for receiving local calls
television
kolaches
Mexican food
did we mention a car??!!!

These are just some of the things we miss and will enjoy profoundly when we return. Enjoy them on our behalf in the interim.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings, kim

December

I haven't written in more than three weeks--the longest stretch by far since we began the blog a year and a half ago.  It hasn't been my intention to be so silent.  I simply haven't known what to say.  This has been the hardest December we've ever experienced and our hearts have broken over the things that have taken place. 

I don't feel that it's appropriate for me to relay the details here in a blog.  Broadcasting the major and minor details over the internet would be condemning to many in our midst and it would certainly be an attempt to garner support for our cause.  Who doesn't love sympathy?  But where would that get us?  We would be dirtying the reputation of others, we would be furthering the disunity among our community members, and we would be merely repaying evil with evil.  How does that help our situation?  I do, however, believe that it's more than appropriate to share the outcomes of these events, which of course is a much more powerful story and takes you to the root of all power and all solutions. 

First off, in early December a friend told me that the Lord had shown her something regarding our family which might threaten us.  Then, about two nights later, I had a dream--a dream that remained vivid in my mind long after I opened my eyes.  The dream let me know in a very specific way that something evil was coming.  I was a bit unsettled by it, but I told Doug and a couple other close friends about the dream.  Third, when we went to church a day or two later, I heard a message delivered by the pastor that struck me as especially powerful and it told us how to fight against darkness.  I sensed that the Lord was instructing us and bracing me for what was to come. 

Then our work week began and so did our challenges.  Within a matter of hours, things began to take a very hard turn and our hearts were devastated and our minds ran wild. We struggled to stay focused, to remain calm, to attend to the many things that needed our attention.  It was the week of our school Christmas play, our field trip for caroling, our class parties, and a number of other things that had to take place no matter how we felt or what had hurt.  The show simply had to go on.  Didn't anyone know that it was supposed to be the Christmas season?  Outwardly we accomplished many things; inwardly we were crumbling and so wanted to go home.  I even priced tickets--$9,000 for six.  An obviously closed door. 

Ironically, we wrote our Christmas letter in early December, prior to all this heartache, but we had not sent it onward.  Something about it had not let us consider it done.  In it we had written that struggles are not a bad thing but are actually for our good and for God's glory.  They help to shape us in His image.  Before we could send it out, we had to wrestle with whether we really and truly believed our own words.  Did we honestly see that these trials were of some value and we would come out on the other end more like Christ? 

Well, before the month ended, we ended up with among other things sickness in our house, a broken microwave, a flooded laundry room, a bedroom fixture that refused to work, Christmas lights that wouldn't come on, a showerhead that wouldn't turn off, and a dead pet fish.

Thankfully we've hit January 1st and our month of December has finally ended; we've turned the page in this chapter of our lives.  We have stepped away from the carnage of last month and have looked ahead with a newfound determination.  We've done what Joshua, the leader of his people, did in the Bible:  no matter what others do, we have decided for ourselves who we will serve--we will serve the Lord.  As we walked through the events of last month, and as we battled against all the tormenting thoughts about what had previously been done to us the many months prior to that, we constantly knew that the Lord was with us.  We knew that He had forewarned us, that He had spoken though others, that He had spoken through his word in the Bible, and that He had told us what to do and how to respond as each of the things came our way.  God was present and He was in control. 

When we look at everything now from this vantage point, we do see how the Lord has turned this struggle into something He can use.  We held onto Him, searched for Him, and consulted Him.  Now isn't that exactly what Jesus did when He walked the earth?  If all this struggle did was to get us to be that much closer to our Lord, then yes, it was worth it.  Today we're not sure that our troubles have ended.  There are still those in our midst that we think will work against us, yet we know that the Lord too is in our midst and that He's more powerful than any foe.  We'll trust in His truth and guidance and we'll walk each day as He calls us to. 

Thus, may your year be one in which you seek the Lord with your whole heart and believe deep down that if you do, you will find Him waiting there for you. 
Happy New Year.
Blessings, kim