I haven't written in more than three weeks--the longest stretch by far since we began the blog a year and a half ago. It hasn't been my intention to be so silent. I simply haven't known what to say. This has been the hardest December we've ever experienced and our hearts have broken over the things that have taken place.
I don't feel that it's appropriate for me to relay the details here in a blog. Broadcasting the major and minor details over the internet would be condemning to many in our midst and it would certainly be an attempt to garner support for our cause. Who doesn't love sympathy? But where would that get us? We would be dirtying the reputation of others, we would be furthering the disunity among our community members, and we would be merely repaying evil with evil. How does that help our situation? I do, however, believe that it's more than appropriate to share the outcomes of these events, which of course is a much more powerful story and takes you to the root of all power and all solutions.
First off, in early December a friend told me that the Lord had shown her something regarding our family which might threaten us. Then, about two nights later, I had a dream--a dream that remained vivid in my mind long after I opened my eyes. The dream let me know in a very specific way that something evil was coming. I was a bit unsettled by it, but I told Doug and a couple other close friends about the dream. Third, when we went to church a day or two later, I heard a message delivered by the pastor that struck me as especially powerful and it told us how to fight against darkness. I sensed that the Lord was instructing us and bracing me for what was to come.
Then our work week began and so did our challenges. Within a matter of hours, things began to take a very hard turn and our hearts were devastated and our minds ran wild. We struggled to stay focused, to remain calm, to attend to the many things that needed our attention. It was the week of our school Christmas play, our field trip for caroling, our class parties, and a number of other things that had to take place no matter how we felt or what had hurt. The show simply had to go on. Didn't anyone know that it was supposed to be the Christmas season? Outwardly we accomplished many things; inwardly we were crumbling and so wanted to go home. I even priced tickets--$9,000 for six. An obviously closed door.
Ironically, we wrote our Christmas letter in early December, prior to all this heartache, but we had not sent it onward. Something about it had not let us consider it done. In it we had written that struggles are not a bad thing but are actually for our good and for God's glory. They help to shape us in His image. Before we could send it out, we had to wrestle with whether we really and truly believed our own words. Did we honestly see that these trials were of some value and we would come out on the other end more like Christ?
Well, before the month ended, we ended up with among other things sickness in our house, a broken microwave, a flooded laundry room, a bedroom fixture that refused to work, Christmas lights that wouldn't come on, a showerhead that wouldn't turn off, and a dead pet fish.
Thankfully we've hit January 1st and our month of December has finally ended; we've turned the page in this chapter of our lives. We have stepped away from the carnage of last month and have looked ahead with a newfound determination. We've done what Joshua, the leader of his people, did in the Bible: no matter what others do, we have decided for ourselves who we will serve--we will serve the Lord. As we walked through the events of last month, and as we battled against all the tormenting thoughts about what had previously been done to us the many months prior to that, we constantly knew that the Lord was with us. We knew that He had forewarned us, that He had spoken though others, that He had spoken through his word in the Bible, and that He had told us what to do and how to respond as each of the things came our way. God was present and He was in control.
When we look at everything now from this vantage point, we do see how the Lord has turned this struggle into something He can use. We held onto Him, searched for Him, and consulted Him. Now isn't that exactly what Jesus did when He walked the earth? If all this struggle did was to get us to be that much closer to our Lord, then yes, it was worth it. Today we're not sure that our troubles have ended. There are still those in our midst that we think will work against us, yet we know that the Lord too is in our midst and that He's more powerful than any foe. We'll trust in His truth and guidance and we'll walk each day as He calls us to.
Thus, may your year be one in which you seek the Lord with your whole heart and believe deep down that if you do, you will find Him waiting there for you.
Happy New Year.
Blessings, kim
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