The past two weeks have been so sweet and so full. We've been in the rainforest, in the Andes Mountains, in the suburbs at my parents' house, and now in our own home. We're thrilled to be back in our own bed and among our family and friends. The impromptu conversations in our yard, at the store, on the phone, in our home, and at others' houses continue to bless us tremendously. I never grow tired of seeing smiling faces that are happy to see us and eager to give a hug to a weary sojourner. May our homecoming last a good long while.
Doug and I are attempting to hold onto the life lessons and the inner changes that we've experienced--being in our own home culture certainly makes that harder. Slower, more contemplative living is not the American way. Yet, we're trying to still get 8 hours of sleep, talk and pray together each morning, tackle a reasonable amount of things each day before the day's done, connect with those we love, take our time when driving and going about our day's business, and sit with our kids at night just talking and laughing together. More importantly though, we're giving ourselves tons of grace all day long: grace to just sit for a minute and have a cup of tea; grace to enjoy the neighbor who just stopped by even when there's much to be done; grace to allow the kids to not be completely comfortable with all the hugs and conversations with people they barely remember; grace to be American without having to jump into everything we as Americans do.
For example, while shopping today I listened to the music the stores had pumped in and the messages the songs were feeding their listeners. While driving I noticed the facial expressions and pace at which we were moving. While interacting with cashiers and other store employees I noticed how people treat one another. And while engaging in conversations I noticed which topics were of importance and which were not. Today was a day of re-learning my culture.
I have discovered that I'm not completely comfortable in my culture any longer. It makes me feel rushed. It makes me feel guilty if I don't consume and use up all I can. It makes me feel unprepared and unplanned and unable if I want to just take my time and stop to smell the roses. It makes me feel that the things I deem important are irrelevant and unimportant and so-last-year (or century). My culture follows trends, and twitter, and facebook, and icons, and fashion, and so many other things that change and update and refresh. At this moment, it's too much for me. I just need time.
So for now, I'm going to simply engage with those who the Lord puts in my path; I'm going to unpack and put away the remaining things that need to find homes in our house; and I'm going to talk to the Lord all day long about what to do next. As long as I'm tuned into His voice, it'll all turn out just fine.
Blessings, kim
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Leaving Shell
Yesterday morning Doug and I woke up late: 7:45 am--about an hour later than we had wanted to. The night before we had spent over 3 hours sitting by a campfire on the compound singing songs, roasting marshmellows, drinking hot chocolate, and generally just enjoying the last night in the jungle. I didn't want to go in but at 11:30 pm we realized that dawn would be just around the corner and so would our driver.
So, at 7:45 am Doug and I flew out of bed and began moving suitcases outside. At 7:50 our first guests arrived to say good-bye. Not a pretty sight! Pajamas, glasses, hair every which way, funky morning breath, and the realization that this would be a final fair-well requiring lots of proximity. Yikes.
So once we said goodbye to this first group of six, I jumped into the shower so that at least I would look a little more pleasant, albeit wet, when others arrived. Brushed teeth, coaxed kids out of bed to no avail, and began to move more things out of the house.
The second group included my sweet Ecuadorian friend Nelly and her daughter who is now my goddaughter. (Three weeks ago I was asked to take Daniela's first communion with her and therefore became an important person in her family. When I realized that that meant that Doug was now a godfather, I couldn't help but smile.) Many tears, several hugs, lots of blessings spoken between us both, and handing off of my raincoat which I hope to never need again. Nelly is precious.
Our German friend who had adopted two Ashuar (a jungle tribe) children was next to arrive and she gave me a strong hug and prayed over our family. A very kind friend who we grew to appreciate greatly.
Finally, our neighbors from four different houses, our pastor, two families from outside the compound, and our driver all showed up between 8:30 and 8:45. It was a circus and I was the dancing bear! So many things in my head, sifting through shoes--which to keep, which to throw away--, what minor things to give away, what last words to share with each person, what photos would I like to take before departing. Then, I remembered that we hadn't taken our motion sickness pills an hour prior to our leaving! So, digging through packed suitcases to find my backpack which contained the necessary pills.
Seth received a cool Woarani spear and blow-dart gun from his friend, Selah did a few more jumps and runs with her fellow first grader, Darius received a warm goodbye from a mom who loved playing basketball with him, and Jacobey came out of the house looking confused by all the commotion.
Twenty-six people sending us off at 9:15 was not what we expected. They hugged....they prayed for us....they posed for pictures....they said kind words.....I cried. When we finally drove off in our van, three of the children chased us down the road till we turned the corner and were out of sight. I cried some more.
Though rushed and way more distracting than I expected, it was a send off that I appreciated more than I can express. It was just what I think we all needed and we were so grateful.
The remainder of the day was spent driving to Quito, staring out the window enjoying the countryside for the last time, genuinely missing the country of Ecuador. It is a beautiful place that now occupies a big spot in, I think, each of our hearts. I'm so glad that we still have three more days here to enjoy the people, the beauty, the language, and the culture.
Blessings, kim
So, at 7:45 am Doug and I flew out of bed and began moving suitcases outside. At 7:50 our first guests arrived to say good-bye. Not a pretty sight! Pajamas, glasses, hair every which way, funky morning breath, and the realization that this would be a final fair-well requiring lots of proximity. Yikes.
So once we said goodbye to this first group of six, I jumped into the shower so that at least I would look a little more pleasant, albeit wet, when others arrived. Brushed teeth, coaxed kids out of bed to no avail, and began to move more things out of the house.
The second group included my sweet Ecuadorian friend Nelly and her daughter who is now my goddaughter. (Three weeks ago I was asked to take Daniela's first communion with her and therefore became an important person in her family. When I realized that that meant that Doug was now a godfather, I couldn't help but smile.) Many tears, several hugs, lots of blessings spoken between us both, and handing off of my raincoat which I hope to never need again. Nelly is precious.
Our German friend who had adopted two Ashuar (a jungle tribe) children was next to arrive and she gave me a strong hug and prayed over our family. A very kind friend who we grew to appreciate greatly.
Finally, our neighbors from four different houses, our pastor, two families from outside the compound, and our driver all showed up between 8:30 and 8:45. It was a circus and I was the dancing bear! So many things in my head, sifting through shoes--which to keep, which to throw away--, what minor things to give away, what last words to share with each person, what photos would I like to take before departing. Then, I remembered that we hadn't taken our motion sickness pills an hour prior to our leaving! So, digging through packed suitcases to find my backpack which contained the necessary pills.
Seth received a cool Woarani spear and blow-dart gun from his friend, Selah did a few more jumps and runs with her fellow first grader, Darius received a warm goodbye from a mom who loved playing basketball with him, and Jacobey came out of the house looking confused by all the commotion.
Twenty-six people sending us off at 9:15 was not what we expected. They hugged....they prayed for us....they posed for pictures....they said kind words.....I cried. When we finally drove off in our van, three of the children chased us down the road till we turned the corner and were out of sight. I cried some more.
Though rushed and way more distracting than I expected, it was a send off that I appreciated more than I can express. It was just what I think we all needed and we were so grateful.
The remainder of the day was spent driving to Quito, staring out the window enjoying the countryside for the last time, genuinely missing the country of Ecuador. It is a beautiful place that now occupies a big spot in, I think, each of our hearts. I'm so glad that we still have three more days here to enjoy the people, the beauty, the language, and the culture.
Blessings, kim
Friday, June 5, 2015
Exhaustion
That's roughly where we are. Exhaustion.
The sand is running out of the hour glass (for those of you older like me, you'll know what I'm talking about) and the list of things to accomplish before this move has been long. Each day we've tried to have a balance of spending time with friends, saying good-byes to the our local friends and acquaintances, packing, and attending to school responsibilities. Knocking out things a little at a time has been key. Therefore the list is getting shorter and shorter by the day--which takes us in part as to why we're so wiped out.
The other part of the story is that we (mainly me) have begun to feel the symptoms of having parasites (extreme abdominal pain after beginning a meal) and that's somewhat draining on the body. Having parasites is one thing--it makes you miserable to eat so you avoid food completely--, but taking the medicine with its side effects is another. Oh the joys of bugs!
I've also shed more than my fair share of tears over the past week having to let go of some friendships which have been instrumental in my time here. Friends who I've shared few details with but who have known how my heart has felt. Often they have felt the same thing.
Here at the end I've discovered that the Lord has given us the opportunity to be like Christ in each of these challenging situations. Notice though that I used the word 'opportunity'. It's never been a requirement or a foregone conclusion that we would be Christ-like. It's simply been the opportunity to do the right thing: to speak kindly, to invite and include, to smile and initiate conversation, to serve and bless, to forgive and give grace. Sometimes we've done well; sometimes not so much.
For example, on Monday Doug was cheerful, kind, patient, forgiving, and loving toward everyone. He was genuinely full of joy and peace, singing, smiling, and really exhibiting a great attitude. Meanwhile I was beyond cranky and honestly ready to tear into anyone who said even the slightest annoying thing. It was really bad and I knew that I was going to greatly regret anything that came out of my mouth. I had gotten to the end of my rope and I wanted to say every mean thing I could think of. Thankfully and very prayerfully I managed to control my anger and frustration that whole day. By day's end I felt as if a major battle had been won.
So on Tuesday I wonderfully felt free from all those negative emotions and was able to really pour out grace and love on others. It came so easily. I didn't even have to think about it. I spent time with one person I had been furious with previously and I was able to be pleasant and loving--and honestly mean it. God was good! I had love where there had been none the day before.
Sadly though, while I was experiencing Doug's Monday attitude of love and joy, he was knee-deep in my ugly Monday junk of anger, bitterness, and a readiness to pounce. We had completely switched roles. Yet he too was able to control himself and felt as I had, that a major battle had been won by choosing to love instead of hate.
In the end we both observed that neither of us was able to 'work up kindness' in our hearts. It really was a supernatural thing (or said another way, something that was not of us and our will to do the right thing; it was from a source that was greater than the natural, physical self). It was the Spirit living in each of us that was giving us the strength. And because the Spirit lives there all the time, and on this particular occasion we choose to let Him determine our words and actions, we were able to witness the pouring out of the 'fruit of the Spirit' which are: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Neither of us had decided to fake niceness--the kindness and all things that came with it were genuine. We really were joyful, and loving, and self-controlled. But also, not only were they genuine, they were not attributed to us. They were all available and in abundance simply because we had chosen to cooperate with the Spirit.
Oh how it grieves me when I don't cooperate. When I take matters into my own hands and let my emotions and thoughts run wild. It's ugly and not anything like Christ.
Just something to ponder. I'm headed to bed......
Blessings, kim
The sand is running out of the hour glass (for those of you older like me, you'll know what I'm talking about) and the list of things to accomplish before this move has been long. Each day we've tried to have a balance of spending time with friends, saying good-byes to the our local friends and acquaintances, packing, and attending to school responsibilities. Knocking out things a little at a time has been key. Therefore the list is getting shorter and shorter by the day--which takes us in part as to why we're so wiped out.
The other part of the story is that we (mainly me) have begun to feel the symptoms of having parasites (extreme abdominal pain after beginning a meal) and that's somewhat draining on the body. Having parasites is one thing--it makes you miserable to eat so you avoid food completely--, but taking the medicine with its side effects is another. Oh the joys of bugs!
I've also shed more than my fair share of tears over the past week having to let go of some friendships which have been instrumental in my time here. Friends who I've shared few details with but who have known how my heart has felt. Often they have felt the same thing.
Here at the end I've discovered that the Lord has given us the opportunity to be like Christ in each of these challenging situations. Notice though that I used the word 'opportunity'. It's never been a requirement or a foregone conclusion that we would be Christ-like. It's simply been the opportunity to do the right thing: to speak kindly, to invite and include, to smile and initiate conversation, to serve and bless, to forgive and give grace. Sometimes we've done well; sometimes not so much.
For example, on Monday Doug was cheerful, kind, patient, forgiving, and loving toward everyone. He was genuinely full of joy and peace, singing, smiling, and really exhibiting a great attitude. Meanwhile I was beyond cranky and honestly ready to tear into anyone who said even the slightest annoying thing. It was really bad and I knew that I was going to greatly regret anything that came out of my mouth. I had gotten to the end of my rope and I wanted to say every mean thing I could think of. Thankfully and very prayerfully I managed to control my anger and frustration that whole day. By day's end I felt as if a major battle had been won.
So on Tuesday I wonderfully felt free from all those negative emotions and was able to really pour out grace and love on others. It came so easily. I didn't even have to think about it. I spent time with one person I had been furious with previously and I was able to be pleasant and loving--and honestly mean it. God was good! I had love where there had been none the day before.
Sadly though, while I was experiencing Doug's Monday attitude of love and joy, he was knee-deep in my ugly Monday junk of anger, bitterness, and a readiness to pounce. We had completely switched roles. Yet he too was able to control himself and felt as I had, that a major battle had been won by choosing to love instead of hate.
In the end we both observed that neither of us was able to 'work up kindness' in our hearts. It really was a supernatural thing (or said another way, something that was not of us and our will to do the right thing; it was from a source that was greater than the natural, physical self). It was the Spirit living in each of us that was giving us the strength. And because the Spirit lives there all the time, and on this particular occasion we choose to let Him determine our words and actions, we were able to witness the pouring out of the 'fruit of the Spirit' which are: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Neither of us had decided to fake niceness--the kindness and all things that came with it were genuine. We really were joyful, and loving, and self-controlled. But also, not only were they genuine, they were not attributed to us. They were all available and in abundance simply because we had chosen to cooperate with the Spirit.
Oh how it grieves me when I don't cooperate. When I take matters into my own hands and let my emotions and thoughts run wild. It's ugly and not anything like Christ.
Just something to ponder. I'm headed to bed......
Blessings, kim
Monday, June 1, 2015
Approval
So whose approval are you living for?
Your parents', siblings', neighbors', colleagues', fellow church members'? Some one else?
Ever consider who you really are living to impress? And, do you think you're actually impressing them and that you have their approval? WOW, I was doing okay until I got to that question.
The entire day today I wrestled with that question. Who am I trying to win over? Who am I trying to impress with the things that I do? And, do I actually believe that it's getting me somewhere?
We are in real trouble if we believe in our hearts that we can win people over. For if we win one person over, we're sure to disappoint another. We are sure to make enemies before we know it because you simply cannot make everyone happy all at the same time.
But, more importantly, we were not created to be people pleasers. People are fickle. They have finite wisdom and selfish desires. Impressing one person today may mean something completely different tomorrow. Instead, we were created to commune with God and to closely align with His desires and His call upon our life. To attempt to live up to the call that another gives us and then to work hard to gain their approval is a losing battle.
We must determine in our hearts to simply do as the Lord has instructed us and to see that is it only for Him that we move and breathe. I hope to really live and act and do what is right and not what is popular or going to be approved of. . . . I want to live for more than the applause of the moment..
Blessings, kim
Your parents', siblings', neighbors', colleagues', fellow church members'? Some one else?
Ever consider who you really are living to impress? And, do you think you're actually impressing them and that you have their approval? WOW, I was doing okay until I got to that question.
The entire day today I wrestled with that question. Who am I trying to win over? Who am I trying to impress with the things that I do? And, do I actually believe that it's getting me somewhere?
We are in real trouble if we believe in our hearts that we can win people over. For if we win one person over, we're sure to disappoint another. We are sure to make enemies before we know it because you simply cannot make everyone happy all at the same time.
But, more importantly, we were not created to be people pleasers. People are fickle. They have finite wisdom and selfish desires. Impressing one person today may mean something completely different tomorrow. Instead, we were created to commune with God and to closely align with His desires and His call upon our life. To attempt to live up to the call that another gives us and then to work hard to gain their approval is a losing battle.
We must determine in our hearts to simply do as the Lord has instructed us and to see that is it only for Him that we move and breathe. I hope to really live and act and do what is right and not what is popular or going to be approved of. . . . I want to live for more than the applause of the moment..
Blessings, kim
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