Parenting

This is by far the hardest thing we do.  Can I get an 'Amen'?
These little people that we nurture and pour into and sacrifice for and love on....
Who just take and take and take and take....
Who make us laugh and make us cry and make us feel just about every emotion in between....
They are such a handful!
And yet I love them dearly. 

We really have had a rough go of it, and after our circling the house in prayer, we had about a week's worth of peace.  At the conclusion of that week we visited a counselor friend that lives across the street and she passed on some great wisdom.  We had been praying for wisdom, so when she chatted with me and gave me words of advice, I knew we'd gotten our answer to prayer. 

She started with, "Welcome of adolescence!", and then quickly recounted the time when she ushered her sixteen year old son into her husband's office and said, "Here's your son.  You can do what you want with him.  I am finished!"

Then she told us that though our children may say all sorts of things that don't make sense or hurt us or sound rude to us, we shouldn't take it personally or get totally wrapped up in the words.  The emotion behind them should not be met with our emotional response.  Instead we should let the words slide off of us taking note of the child's heart.  The last thing we need is to fight fire with fire.

She told us to save important conversations--ones where we find out the meaning behind the words harshly spoken--for a later time.  Take the child for a walk or a meal or on an errand where you can talk without the emotion or the confrontation.  Just ask questions and give the child an opportunity to be heard.

In essence, allow the child to stretch his wings, express his thoughts, say his peace. We want to hear our kids--instead of silence them or ignore them--and we wish to respond to the thoughts they have without getting distracted by the emotion.

She also reminded me that giving kids options and not commands is a wise thing.  For example, asking them if they'd like to shower before dinner or if they'd like to shower after dinner is a way to insist upon a shower for the evening without being demanding. I like the, "Would you like to dry the dishes or put them away?" option. 

One of my friend's main points was that we as parents cannot appear to be making this up as we go along.  We must lead with a calm assurance that we know how to parent and are ready to take on such a role.  If they shake us up and make us an emotional wreck or seemingly unable to parent, then it becomes more scary for them.  They need to know, and feel most secure in our home, when they are certain that we are able to take care of them. They need to know that we know what we're doing.  Most importantly we must present a unified front in our home--pitting mom against dad can be a child's greatest weapon--and thankfully on this point Doug and I can claim victory. We do stand together. 

Finally, she let me know that we should parent with some levity; we should see parenting and our relationship with our kids as a source of joy.  We need to put humor and laughter into our day so laughing with our kids is a must.  Games, jokes, and lighthearted conversations should be a part of our regular home life.  Life need not be so serious.  In other words, love your kids and enjoy them immensely.

Amen.  I'm happy to report that since we've been reminded of these key points, our life here in the Thompson house is so much better.  We've been cooking together, shooting hoops together, having great lunch and dinner discussions, and gone for a few walks to chat about what's going on.  Emotions have not run high and everyone feels more heard.  We even had our toughest kid walk into our room tonight, lay down on our bed, and have a half hour long conversation with us about things on his mind.  He wanted to know what his future options would be for schooling when we returned to the States, wanted to put in his two cents about things, and generally wanted to pass his aspirations by us. We laughed together and were even visited by the little sister in the next room who told us to keep it down because she was trying to sleep.  : )

Parenting. 
Enough said.
Blessings,
kim