Sunday, May 31, 2015

Trust

 "Do you trust me?" was the question I felt being repeated over and over again last night as I lay in bed unable to sleep.  "Do you trust me?"

He was asking, "If you forgive those who have rejected you, do you trust me to heal your heart?

"If you choose to not repay evil with evil and instead choose to do good and to bless others, do you trust me to bless you in return?"

"If you choose not to obsess and worry about how you should respond but instead let me do your thinking for you, do you trust me to give you the right words when you need them at the right time?"

"If you choose to put me first in every single area of your life, do you trust me to take care of you well?

It certainly was so much easier to lay in bed upset, hurt, angry, obsessing, and brooding over how I should best repay this latest hurt.  It was easy making up conversations with people that I feel have really been honestly very uncaring or at times down right mean.  It was easy drumming up lots of emotion and justification for feeling the way I did. 

However, it was getting me more and more upset, causing my heart to race and my mind to race, and it was getting me no where.  It wasn't making me feel any better.  In fact, it was making me feel worse and worse by the moment.  And, it was keeping me from sleep--a very important commodity.

I felt like the discussion between the Lord and I was over whether I would let this latest hurtful situation ruin me, my sleep, my appetite, and my Christian witness, or if I were going to decide to do the right thing anyway and completely trust that whatever resulted would be for my good.

In my mind, it became a Gethsemane moment--a moment where I was struggling enormously with the way we had been treated and I was struggling to keep my mind focused on what was the right thing to do.  Jesus had struggled there in the garden with the burden of what was to come--His crucifixion--knowing that He would be wrongly accused and treated more horribly than one can bear.  Though His circumstances were infinitely more devastating and demanding, I felt last night as if the question were still the same:

"Do you trust me with your life?  Will you follow through on what you have committed to do?  Will you love your enemies even when they wish to have nothing to do with you?  Will you rest in Me and in My ways instead of in your own limited, fallible ones?"

It took three separate times during the night for me to wrestle with the Lord over this decision, and thankfully, three separate times I had to concede that being in His hands and doing things His way was certainly a much safer and wiser road than the one I was headed on. I'm happy to report that sleep did come immediately on each occasion when I said that I would trust Him because, as the scripture says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." 

May we keep trusting.....
Blessings, kim

Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Sabbath

Today in Bible class the kids and I were reading from the end of John's gospel.  (We've read through the four gospels this school year and it's been a wonderful journey.)  We were reading today that just prior to Jesus' death He said, "It is finished," and then He gave up His Spirit. These were familiar words to us all since we'd already read through Matthew, Mark, and Luke and were much aware of the last moments of our Savior's life. 

Well, in the story that John tells, he reports that shortly after Jesus' death He was taken down from the cross and laid out so that His body could be wrapped with linen cloth and spices.  Joseph and Nicodemus took care of Him and laid Him in the tomb.  The reason John gives for their need to prepare His body so quickly was because the next day would be a Special Sabbath.  And, as we know, no work is to be done on the Sabbath--it is a day of rest.  We paused and considered that for a few minutes. 

"It is finished" + Special Sabbath.....?

Where else have we heard that in the Bible?

Then it hit me.  In Genesis, God created the heavens and the earth and all that we know of in six days.  When He finished with His creation, He rested.  Was that not a very Special Sabbath as well?

Thus, it was finished + Special Sabbath.....

Interesting.  I love it when the Bible shows me new things that I've never noticed before. 
Blessings, kim

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Freedom in Christ

What is Freedom in Christ?  I'll describe it as:

Allowing other Christian believers to live as the Lord calls them to.  It's letting them live out their Christian walk in the way that they believe is best.  It's not getting in their way if they know that the Lord has allowed them to do things differently from the way He's told us to do things.  It's knowing that God did not make us all exactly the same, therefore, He doesn't expect us all to live exactly in the same way. He expects us to listen to Him and His voice more than we are to listen to the voices and prompting of others. What this also implies then is that we don't correct others on their choices unless it is blatant sin. 

I don't believe we're very good in the Christian community at allowing others to experience freedom in Christ.  I think we too often see how another person is living and we decide in our own hearts that they have chosen poorly.  We then express to them our disapproval of their ways and we shut down their sense of freedom and sense of acceptance from the Lord. 

This grieves me so.  I can see now that I have done this very thing--this lack of love and acceptance for others and their ways of doing things.  This is not a building of the Christian family; it is a tearing apart.  It is living contrary to the ways of Jesus.

I see my own past culpability in the lives of others because this year I have experienced that same thing myself.  I have been in one relationship in particular that has this at the core.  One person in my midst here has expressed to me over and over and over again that the way I do things is not the way they would. The person has been quick to find fault with me and has let me know on numerous occasions that the way I live is counter to the way they do.  Oh how painful this has been.  It has torn me apart and has caused me anger, frustration, sadness, remorse, longing, and despair at times.  It's cost me many a night's sleep and has made me seek, on more than one occasion, reconciliation and restoration which I knew would never come.  I simply have not matched up to their expectations. 

Being on the receiving end of such a terrible, debilitating experience has opened my eyes to the horrible state that this puts someone in. Thankfully, it's caused me to look outward to question:  Am I that way with anyone?  Do I shackle anyone in my midst and steal their freedom in Christ? 

I'm of course equally horrified to report that the answer is yes. I have stolen the freedom of others. I have made others feel as if their ways were not 'right' or 'best'. Many times across the years, I have done that with friends, family, neighbors, small group members, my children, and those who were walking down the path alongside me. I too have stolen freedom that only Christ can give.

May we all look at how we perceive others and their choices--and may we all walk alongside and encourage others to listen to the Lord, instead of listening to us.  He knows best, not us.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings, kim

Monday, May 25, 2015

Trust

So at this point in our journey we are more and more focused on our return to the States.  We do have packing, saying goodbyes, doing things 'one last time', clearing out space in the house, and closing up shop at the school to take care of before we leave.  But, mentally, we're beginning to shift to the 'What's next?' phase of our lives. 

What IS next?  That's the question people are asking us.  That's the question we're asking the Lord.  So far, the question has greatly gone unanswered.  We know at this moment that my dad will pick us up from the airport, that it's my mom's birthday the day we arrive, that our now seemingly-too-large house awaits us, that we will have two wonderful sets of wheels ready for us to drive (Praise God!), and that our family, neighbors, friends, and church will be a sight for sore eyes.

We also know that places like Chick-Fil-A, Target, the YMCA, and our neighborhood parks and pools will be some of the first places we stop.  Ah...to be home again.

But then what?  Well, not sure.  We know that the Lord has told us to pray and to trust in Him.  So, that's what we're doing.  We're trusting.  And, you know, it's really kinda cool.  Neither Doug nor I are honestly worried at this moment.  We both know that the Lord will provide the job and the focus of our next chapter, and He'll do it in His timing.  He'll probably not tell us these things early (though I am praying that he provides Doug a job prior to our coming back to the States), but we trust that the Lord will take care of all the details. 

So why do we trust in this?  Well, it goes back to two years ago when He pretty clearly showed us that we needed to move here in the first place.  He really convinced us that if He calls us to something--and at that time it was to Ecuador--, then He's going to have details fall into place--housesitters, carsitters, funding, flights, etc.  In the end, He took care of it all--every single detail. 

Therefore, we know that since the Lord has been good to provide us His care through this experience, we know too that He'll provide His care through the next.  But please note, being a Christian does not mean that all will be easy, nor does it mean that it will all work out exactly the way I want it to. 
What it means to be a Christian is to know--and I mean to really know--that our God is good and that He will take care of us in His timing, in His way, and for His glory.  I can trust in Him.   

Blessings, kim

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Why we go to church

While in the service today I contemplated why I decided to attend church this morning.  It was a funny thing.  I go to church just about every Sunday--usually only if we're in the middle of traveling or if the Lord has specifically told me to remain home will I miss out.  Yet this Sunday I went and then wondered why I was there.  Was I there to see people? to get my Sunday morning fix? to hear a good, convicting message that would spur me on to greater living? to teach or attend Sunday school or any number of other classes hosted by the church? to show others in the community that I am a faithful church goer? 

All good reasons but certainly not the best.  All reasons that are about me or about how I will be perceived by others.  If any of these are the reason we go to church, then we probably should just stay home. 

This morning the Lord pointed out to me that the reason I am in church is to worship Him.  I am there for Him--not for me.  I am there to focus on Him, to sing to Him, to learn about Him, to grow in my adoration of Him, and to praise Him.  My being in church is not about me.  It's all about Him. 

Yes, I will see people near and dear to my heart.  I will hear a message that will urge me to live a life more like Christ. I will possibly even serve others while I'm in the building.  But the reason I go to church is so that I will stand alongside my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as I focus completely on Him and give Him all the glory and attention that He deserves. 

So why do you go to church?.......
Blessings, kim

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Obedience

A few days ago I wrote this scripture verse on the white marker board in my classroom:  "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name and in Your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from Me, you evildoers!"

A number of my friends and I agree, this is one of the scariest verses in the entire Bible.  It makes me acutely aware that there will be hoards of people that believe that will be spending eternity with God, and yet they will not.  I have pondered this verse a number of times and then the other day as I wrote, the answer struck me.  "...(O)nly the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven," will go to be with Him. 

Does that mean that only the ones who follow the 10 Commandments?  Only the ones who obey God perfectly?  Only the missionaries, the pastors, the Sunday School teachers, the church goers?  Only the ones who live lives that are more good than bad?  What does that mean?

I sensed that the Lord was telling me that those definitions all fall short.  None fits this verse. 

The "...(O)ne who does the will of my Father who is in heaven," means those who obey what God has told them to do.  Those who do exactly what He has instructed them to do are the ones that follow Him to heaven.  If He bids them to come to Him and to accept Christ as their Savior, then they are to do so.  If He calls them to adopt, then they are to do so.  If He calls them to sell their things and move elsewhere, they are to do so. What about even crazier things?  Didn't Abraham put his son on the altar (even though Abraham had waited years and years to have a son)?  Didn't Noah build an ark (even though he lived in a very dry place and the people around him thought he was crazy)?  Didn't Joshua march and shout around the city of Jericho (even though the people of Jericho had weapons and looked at him as if he was a nut)?  Didn't Gideon tell a large number of troops to go home (even though the opposing army was way bigger than his)? 

In each of these instances, the command of the Lord was to do something quite a bit out of the ordinary.  Others would call them nutty or even bizarre.  But, the men in these examples carried out the commands of the Lord anyway.  They were more concerned with obeying the voice that they had heard from God than worrying with the crowd and it's uninformed opinion.

Thus, in considering the verse from Matthew 7 which I mentioned at the top of this entry, we would be wise and very mindful of the eternity which lies ahead, to do what the Lord has called us to do.  In fact, to disobey the voice of the Lord and to choose instead to follow the crowd because it's easier or less nutty, could eventually lead you down a path you won't want to follow. Another verse in Matthew says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it (7:13)".

Obey the Lord. Period.
You never know where it'll lead you.....
Blessings, kim

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Faith

Today when Doug and I sat with our cuppa joe on the couches and had our morning prayer and chatting time, we read from the Oswald Chambers devotional an entry that spoke about the topic of faith.  Something in his writing took my mind to the scripture from the book of James that says, "Faith without works is dead."  I'm not sure why, but the Lord immediately showed me that my previous understanding of the verse was incorrect, and he instantly gave me a new interpretation for what James was saying. 

In the past, I had always operated on the belief that James was commenting on lives that only said they believed but actually had nothing to show for it. They were not people that attended church, served their neighbors, spent time blessing others, or shared the gospel with a lost and dying world.  In essence, if we live a life which is not continuously looking for ways to display our Christian walk, then we are not operating in faith.  The focus is on what we're doing and what kind of impact it's having. The focus is on us.

Well, this morning the Lord turned that theory on its head and showed me that that's not what He's saying at all.  Instead, James is saying something even more simple and yet, more profound, than that.  He's stating that faith unaccompanied by a willingness to obey God's leading and calling is not faith at all; it's dead.  This does not mean that I get to decide what I do to serve Him--He does.  If I do all the deciding, then it's not faith at all.  It's me merely doing what I want to do. 

WOW.  That makes so much more sense and yet, it's so much more challenging to live out.  I can therefore say that I'm a Christian but if I don't listen to the Lord and obey what He tells me or leads me to do, then I'm really not a Christian.  My walk with the Lord will lead me nowhere and my actions 'for Him' are really not actually 'for Him', they are for me. 

Profound.  James is saying that the focus is to be no longer on me and my actions and how I'm impacting the world.  Instead, it's on the Lord and His words and simply whether I will obey or not.  And, like in our understanding of the world of children, the expectation is that we will obey--not when we're ready, not when we feel like it, not when we are given the entire picture of why we should obey.  Simply put, if we say we believe, why don't we listen and obey?

Something to ponder. 
Blessings, kim

Top 10 Things I will not miss about being away

So, after doing an entry about things I will miss, I thought it time to do one about things I won't.  These are in no particular order:

10.  Living in a borrowed house with furnishing, dishes, beds, sheets, and décor that is not ours.  It will be wonderful to return to a home that resembles the attitude and preferences of our family.

9.  Waking up each day with new bites on my body from something that must have had a banquet in the night.

8.  Rubbing my irritated eyes which are red from the volcano 30 miles away that spews ash fairly frequently.

7.  Soaking fruits and vegetables for five minutes prior to eating them. (And, having to carefully pick out all the worms and bugs from my lettuce and eggplant.)

6.  Fixing everything from scratch while operating from a very limited menu of possibilities.  For example, being able to buy only beef or chicken at the butcher.

5.  Spending Sunday mornings with my family in church where they cannot follow the message and therefore have less than a complete idea of what's being said.

4.  Arriving to school drenched from head to toe, and covered in mud, even though I'm wearing a rain coat.

3.  Being so unbearably far away from the people that we love and that love us.

2.  Wearing these faded, holey, worn, too-small, ripped, stained, pitiful clothes and shoes.  Even our new clothes from August are way beyond repair.

1.  Having to pass on many things simply because I don't have a car (restaurants, groceries, hair appointments, travel to the many interesting sites here, etc.)

I have really loved Ecuador and the beauty of it's countryside and people, but there are a few things that I will gladly leave behind.  : )
Blessings, kim

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Top 10 things we will miss the most about living in Ecuador

10.  Leaving the house in the morning, and seeing off in the not-too-far-distance the mountains, clouds, rainforest, and at times, two volcanos.  I never get tired of the view.

9.  Walking to the pharmacy, bakery, shoe repairman, bicycle repairman, butcher, and veggie market without needing a car to get me there.

8.  Speaking in Spanish as a regular part of my day...even more, as a regular part of my kids' day.  I love it when they have conversations at home in Spanish (sadly, and a bit humorously, they use Texas accents on purpose to make their Spanish sound twangy).

7.  Eating very lean beef--cows here are simply not pumped up with all the chemicals that ours back in the States are.

6.  Having nothing to do in the evenings and on the weekends.  We have no soccer practice, swim meets, drama club, birthday parties, prior commitments, etc. that requires us to rush around from place to place without time to breathe.

5.  Enjoying 65-85 degree weather all day, every day.  Yes, shorts are always appropriate, and no, a sweater is never necessary.

4.  Eating the most exotic fruits and veggies that are dirt cheap and ever available.  Bananas, strawberries, watermelon, cucumbers, limes, avocadoes, guayaba, mangos, pitahaya, mora, uvillas, naranjillas, and so forth. 

3.  Letting my kids play in the jungle with big machetes knowing that they're having fun.  (Never thought I'd say such a thing....)

2.  Hearing no noise at night when we lay in bed except for the occasional dog barking in the distance.  It is super quiet and, on an overcast night, super dark.  Peaceful.

1.  Knowing that an era has ended will cause me to be sad that we will no longer be considered "missionaries".  Yet I know we will only be called to do something else, someplace else, working with someone else.  Being a missionary, as I've come to discover, is more of a mindset than an occupation.  It's simply being intentional about loving those you're with, whoever that might be.  May we all love and serve others wherever we find ourselves....

Blessings, kim